January
Saturday 15 October 2011 photo 1/3
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Very well, for the third time, let me try to begin this whole thing in a less puzzling approach.
During the takeoff and flight from Sweden it finally hit me what I was throwing myself into, in retrospect it all feels like a dream, as if the plane simply burst right back into the airport rather than lift and shoot towards the distant sky
Sure, I cried when bidding my family and girlfriend farewell until what might be forever - to call it an act would be exaggerating - but comparing it to the feeling… Oh that feeling, of waiting for the plane to get going, it felt like forever. Though luckily I had been assigned a window seat, enabling me to project my precious feelings out of this cramped aircraft rather than fall victim to the curse of good-byes.
“No worries.. It’ll all be just fine!" I kept telling myself, biting my upper lip and instead focus on scanning the vicinity for who would end up next to me during this flight of emotional disaster.
Seconds & minutes all slowly faded into infinity, no one seemed interested in the empty seat to my left. As it turned out, I was to be left alone on my row for the first hour or so until the next plane.
“Great!" I thought to myself, now I can pick up the letter I’d gotten from Natalie but moments ago, without feeling like an emotionally unstable twat in front of some random fucktard I don’t even know.
With a gulp that wouldn’t return down the throat, mentally preparing, I reached for the letter in my hand baggage containing the last blessings of farewell; two letters, handwritten and smeared by tears, and a few photos of us cut into the shape of hearts. “this is it…" it read,
“this is what you have longed for, this very moment is the moment you will fulfill your dream;
All that hard work at the factory finally coming to fruition! I am crying in despair as I’m writing you this letter… but this is what you want, and I wish only the best for you, always!"
the tears swelling in my eyes contained such agony that I can feel it brewing yet another outburst as I’m writing this today, a whole week later.. But I kept on reading:
“I’ve dreaded this day for so long by now, but at the moment of writing this, it all feels so unreal. I know we’ve talked about this, but it’s so hard! I don’t know if I can take it anymore.."
The small aircraft finally began moving, as did the accumulated tears in my eyes. They came rolling down my cheeks, slowly getting affected by the g-forces now instead moving towards the ears and back of my head. By now my vision was so blurred I couldn’t read a single sentence anymore, so I covered the letters against my sweater in fear of ruining them with my snivels before I had even gotten a chance to finish them, but I made no sound.
I desperately tried to fight it, to not be heard crying alone in my row was high on my list of priorities at that moment.
Then I felt the cockpit racing off of the ground, upwards, toward the other side of the globe. Oh that feeling.. that crept up all the way from my toes, along the legs and limbs, the emotional concoction within my stomach bubbling uncontrollably right through the torso,
until finally bursting through my eyes for what was to be the last time; it felt as if I’d been grounded to the earth by roots rather than legs, now getting ripped out in tact with the cockpit slowly emerging toward the distant clouds. To be honest I think I gazed over the bright clouds with tears slowly rolling down - now rather apathetic - from one eye at the time until I landed in Copenhagen.
Finally the inspiration took over in due time, this is a bit of a downer but I just wrote what I felt. Next time will be exciting, I promise! You won’t believe everything I’ve already done! All the rocks I’ve picked up and looked beneath in my fervent search for joy, even fished for sharks behind the most wicked of ragged rocks pounded by the unforgiving waves ruthlessly coming in at midnight under the brilliant gaze of the full moon. It’s 21.34 o’clock, the 6th of November camping at a caravan park right next to Byron bay, I’d say the backpacker & surfing capital of the World!
Until next time, with love
Micheal.
Seconds & minutes all slowly faded into infinity, no one seemed interested in the empty seat to my left. As it turned out, I was to be left alone on my row for the first hour or so until the next plane.
“Great!" I thought to myself, now I can pick up the letter I’d gotten from Natalie but moments ago, without feeling like an emotionally unstable twat in front of some random fucktard I don’t even know.
With a gulp that wouldn’t return down the throat, mentally preparing, I reached for the letter in my hand baggage containing the last blessings of farewell; two letters, handwritten and smeared by tears, and a few photos of us cut into the shape of hearts. “this is it…" it read,
“this is what you have longed for, this very moment is the moment you will fulfill your dream;
All that hard work at the factory finally coming to fruition! I am crying in despair as I’m writing you this letter… but this is what you want, and I wish only the best for you, always!"
the tears swelling in my eyes contained such agony that I can feel it brewing yet another outburst as I’m writing this today, a whole week later.. But I kept on reading:
“I’ve dreaded this day for so long by now, but at the moment of writing this, it all feels so unreal. I know we’ve talked about this, but it’s so hard! I don’t know if I can take it anymore.."
The small aircraft finally began moving, as did the accumulated tears in my eyes. They came rolling down my cheeks, slowly getting affected by the g-forces now instead moving towards the ears and back of my head. By now my vision was so blurred I couldn’t read a single sentence anymore, so I covered the letters against my sweater in fear of ruining them with my snivels before I had even gotten a chance to finish them, but I made no sound.
I desperately tried to fight it, to not be heard crying alone in my row was high on my list of priorities at that moment.
Then I felt the cockpit racing off of the ground, upwards, toward the other side of the globe. Oh that feeling.. that crept up all the way from my toes, along the legs and limbs, the emotional concoction within my stomach bubbling uncontrollably right through the torso,
until finally bursting through my eyes for what was to be the last time; it felt as if I’d been grounded to the earth by roots rather than legs, now getting ripped out in tact with the cockpit slowly emerging toward the distant clouds. To be honest I think I gazed over the bright clouds with tears slowly rolling down - now rather apathetic - from one eye at the time until I landed in Copenhagen.
Finally the inspiration took over in due time, this is a bit of a downer but I just wrote what I felt. Next time will be exciting, I promise! You won’t believe everything I’ve already done! All the rocks I’ve picked up and looked beneath in my fervent search for joy, even fished for sharks behind the most wicked of ragged rocks pounded by the unforgiving waves ruthlessly coming in at midnight under the brilliant gaze of the full moon. It’s 21.34 o’clock, the 6th of November camping at a caravan park right next to Byron bay, I’d say the backpacker & surfing capital of the World!
Annons
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