Imperfection and Rejection

Today has been a slow day. Slept in fairly much, and not done so much. Mostly planning and so for tomorrow. Yes. Tomorrow we are going to have this big feast over here. To celebrate me and my great grandmas birthdays. Gonna be sweet. Lots of food and plenty of people. Haha.

But now I thought that I wouldn't talk about my day and what I am doing and not doing or thinking of doing. I thought I'd talk a little more about some of my fears. Earlier this year I remember making a post about my fear of spiders. Now I thought I'd write about my fear of rejection. This is a common thing that happens to everyone just about every day actually. And I have such a hard time with it. I just can't handle it. Do you want to go out for dinner? Do you want to hang out? Can we talk? Do you like me? Okay, it's not that I can't handle that my mother does not want to buy me those shoes I wanted, or that my best friend can't go out for a coffee today. But people. People I don't know to well, and I'd like to get to know better. Or people that I actually care about what they think of me. I know, I say myself that you are not supposed to care about what people think, and mainly in life I don't. But some people are just exceptions, and I can't but help care about what they think of me.
But the rejection that I am most afraid of, is when it comes to important things. Like, there is something that I really love to do and I really want to do, and some one else does not want to. If they don't say that in a nice manner it could seriously make me cry. Or, when I say hi and just want to talk with someone that I haven't spoken with in a while, and they don't seem interested or maybe don't even answer. That hurts too.
So. Rejection. No, I can't take it. And what do I do about it?
When in a group of people and it comes to brainstorming ideas, I don't give them my ideas, because they might not like them and reject them. So, I just shut up.
I don't talk about my feelings. In case they might get hurt.
I don't make big promises, because, what if one of the people who committed to the promise can't keep it? If I can't I'm not just letting someone else down, but that person might get really upset with me. And let's face it, I am bad at keeping my promises. I just am. But! I have come far just by being aware of this, I am working on it to get better.

That is one things about flaws in people. We all have our wrongs. We are not perfect. That's a fact, and we will have to accept it. But just because we are not perfect by nature, it does not mean that we can't work on perfection in our lives. I know that I want to try my best to be "perfect", or lets say, as perfect as possible. Cause I am also aware of that absolute perfection is a dream. It's practically impossible, just as sure as we are imperfect we all do mistakes, and always will. That's life. The only good thing about mistakes is that you can learn from them. The good thing about being aware of your flaws is that you can work on them and make them better. Because, if there is a spot on your clothes, how could you wash it away if you are not aware of it being there? It surely wont wash itself away. More dirt will just make more spots, and you will just end up dirty from head to toe. And it's really not fun to hang out with dirty people, right? It's manageable, but let's face it, it's more fun to hang out with people who are clean.

So. What are your flaws? Are you aware of them? Are you making an effort to fix them?
It sure is worth trying to fix your own flaws. Just as Michael Jackson said in Man in the Mirror; If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.
Not only will it make your life better, but it will eventually be better for people in your life as well.

I am aware of some of my flaws. What are they? I can't keep promises as well as I wish I could. I don't talk about how I feel, even though it might be a good thing to do. I really don't talk at all when it comes to people I don't know, and it's not because I am shy, I'm afraid of them rejecting me. And why is that? Why all these flaws? I am afraid of rejection. Simply that. I can't take it. And what am I doing about it? Trying my best not to make commitments I know I can't keep and just promise things I know I can do. I try talking how I feel, with people I really trust. And for the people part, I try to give my ideas and talk a little more... But it's still a big step for me, and I'm working on that one. Haha.

So, how about you?
Are you doing something about yourself?