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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
When Chuck does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"… not even close.
Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division".
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and Chuck Norris."
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
When Chuck does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division".
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and Chuck Norris."
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."