Saturday 2 January 2010 photo 3/25
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I hate the silence,
that deafening silence.
It fills me, overwhelms me, and threatens to suffocate me.
I've realized, to my chagrin, that I enjoy being around people, their nonsensical chatter, their smiles, and ability to uplift everything around me.
But I think I may have lost the ability to do so.
I've realizer that I've spent the past 6-7 years trying to isolate myselt, afraid of being hurt, of being betrayed, of being thrown to earth when heaven seemed so near.
So I've sealed myself off
In fact, I've become so bood at it that I honestly can't feel anymore
I'm numbed to happiness, to sadness, to jealosy, to a sense of pride in myself
... I can't remember the last time I laughed because I wanted to
... And not because it was the warranted reaction
It seems like the only thing I have left is anger
burning rage, burning hatred, burning dislike
I know I sound psychotic at the moment, and seemingly in need of counseling,
... Or maybe it sounds like I want someone to pity me
But I don't
... All I am is confused
I don't know what's going on, what's wrong with me, and most of all how I can change it all
I need guidance
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