January
Thursday 13 September 2018 photo 1/1
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkfM-UK5BgM&feature=youtu.be
I’m not dead
I’m not fixed, but I’m not giving up yet
I’m sick of saying that I still don't have anything done
I hate telling friends I’m trying something just to give it up
I’m still unsure of my emotional state
I’m still incapable of focusing lately
I don’t feel like creating
I’m tired of asking Google how to find motivation
I don’t think I’ve ever made something that’s as good as I’m capable of
I hate not having a reason to look my best
I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet
If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then
I am so so glad that I hated myself
I didn’t luck into this position
I struggle with decisions
I wouldn’t be my own friend, I’m too inconsistent
without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished
If these words make it to your ears it’ll be a fucking miracle.
I’m fortunate to know more good people than most do
I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to
I’m pretty good at like 20 different skill sets
At the expense of never being great at any one of them
I wish this beat hit harder
I wish more syllables rhymed
I know 99 percent of people really don’t mind
I think collaborating forced me to finish things ‘cause
I was terrified of wasting famous people’s time
I wish I could focus on what I define priority
I wish I was as grateful as I want to be
I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable
But if I did, I wouldn’t let them waste their time on me while I’m disabled
I feel alone
I know I’m not
I used to talk to lots of people. Lately I’ve stopped
They didn’t deserve it, I’ve been a terrible friend.
I couldn’t bear to let myself become boring to them
I don’t let myself get my hopes up. I love people who do.
Ah, I never know if what I say I feel is the truth
I wish I didn’t instinctively try to be less specific
So more people could relate when they read along with the lyrics
I can be happy in the moment
I am not when I reflect
I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better
I hate it
I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt
But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first
I can’t predict what I’ll do. I can never be sure
I am terrified of making promises any more
I can’t face my work, I feel sick from the word
I genuinely believe I’m capable of changing the world
I still think I can get better
I still think I can create and get pleasure from it
I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree
And become the best version of me
I don’t want to stop.
months pass.. without contact, shut down all social media
erased every pic, text, phone logs
every reminder
got another
it changed nothing
varit sjuk, legat däckad
gått on/off på anti
och sen kommer du som A-bomben i Nagasaki
bara flytta ut ur mej
uppenbarligen var de bara jag och varför kan då inte bara jag få gå ur de här
"I can’t predict what I’ll do. I can never be sure
I am terrified of making promises any more"
pretty accurate
"I don’t want to stop."
HenkaZ out...
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