January
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Thursday 27 March 2008 photo 19/35
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My home is not open to everyone, actually. And there is no
dicrimination and hardly any personallity considderation. I
just despise the thought of people entering my home. I am
not used having people over; be it strangers, friend or family.
I kind of get very guilty when I turn the few people down that
actually wants to see me, or need a place to go. This sanctuary
is mine and I selfishly stick to it. There are only two persons at
this point that is welcome into my apartment; and it is Yonas
and Jixi.
I do not know what some people do to get into the situation
where they ask to stay with me, but since I trivialize everyone
and everything (despite my motto "nothing is trivial", which
generally just include all good things...) I say that if you did
something, you brought it on yourself, so stand the
consequenses. An argument is something you bring on yourself.
That kind of anger can be withstood. However; when you are
being hit without a reason by the people that are supposed to
love you, then I might come to the aid. If I think you are worth
it. As an egoist, far from everyone is allowed to enter my peace.
Generally I just select people to spend time with at a random,
but when it really comes down to it; I am extreemly picky. It is
actually not for fun that it took Yonas 4 years to become my friend.
I am not a sympathic person. I only care out of a princip and
perhaps sometimes because I am bored. I despise people
and want nothing to do with them. It is nothing personal, but
I still "feel" guilty when I have to turn people down. It turns
out that I am only as relyable as I priority if you are not a
friend. It is flattering to be asked (eventhough it might be
out of desperation) But there are so few people today that
actually have issues. Most of those who used to have real
problems have I grown tired of because they do not try to
help themselves. Once I do care, I never stop and it becomes
bothersome when those I care about turn my hel down, or
plainly just walks away from me. Therefore I have stopped
bothering.
What point is there in being in social situations when I act
like an idiot anyway? I am a quiet and reserved person, but
for some stupid reason I turn into a babbling idiot around
people. I try to chase them away, and I do succeed in one
way... But mainly I am just annoying. Not only to myelf, but
to the few people I want to associate with. To be able to be
social you must participate in social activities. But when
engaging in those one must interact with humans. Oddly
enough; even if I do engage in an activity with someone else,
that someone will still not understand what I am going on
about for two different reasons;
1. They do not recall (due to time, lack of interest or plane human error)
2. I notice things they gave no thought at all.
So what is the point, really?
What I wanted to say was:
I am sorry that I am but an egoistic loner and thus could not aid you.
And I really do not like people; sometimes not even myself because I act like people.
dicrimination and hardly any personallity considderation. I
just despise the thought of people entering my home. I am
not used having people over; be it strangers, friend or family.
actually wants to see me, or need a place to go. This sanctuary
is mine and I selfishly stick to it. There are only two persons at
this point that is welcome into my apartment; and it is Yonas
and Jixi.
where they ask to stay with me, but since I trivialize everyone
and everything (despite my motto "nothing is trivial", which
generally just include all good things...) I say that if you did
something, you brought it on yourself, so stand the
consequenses. An argument is something you bring on yourself.
That kind of anger can be withstood. However; when you are
being hit without a reason by the people that are supposed to
love you, then I might come to the aid. If I think you are worth
it. As an egoist, far from everyone is allowed to enter my peace.
Generally I just select people to spend time with at a random,
but when it really comes down to it; I am extreemly picky. It is
actually not for fun that it took Yonas 4 years to become my friend.
perhaps sometimes because I am bored. I despise people
and want nothing to do with them. It is nothing personal, but
I still "feel" guilty when I have to turn people down. It turns
out that I am only as relyable as I priority if you are not a
friend. It is flattering to be asked (eventhough it might be
out of desperation) But there are so few people today that
actually have issues. Most of those who used to have real
problems have I grown tired of because they do not try to
help themselves. Once I do care, I never stop and it becomes
bothersome when those I care about turn my hel down, or
plainly just walks away from me. Therefore I have stopped
bothering.
like an idiot anyway? I am a quiet and reserved person, but
for some stupid reason I turn into a babbling idiot around
people. I try to chase them away, and I do succeed in one
way... But mainly I am just annoying. Not only to myelf, but
to the few people I want to associate with. To be able to be
social you must participate in social activities. But when
engaging in those one must interact with humans. Oddly
enough; even if I do engage in an activity with someone else,
that someone will still not understand what I am going on
about for two different reasons;
1. They do not recall (due to time, lack of interest or plane human error)
2. I notice things they gave no thought at all.
I am sorry that I am but an egoistic loner and thus could not aid you.
And I really do not like people; sometimes not even myself because I act like people.
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