Haha! You know; I heared there was something called 'trust'. My parents
Used to throw it into my face and say that they had non for me. Well, my
father did not spit it out as much as my mother though, but they lost
what little trust they had in me for the smallest of things. As if they are
relyable... When it comes to me, I can not even expect shit from them.
In the middle of the night I will go in to Gothenburg and wait for the
Idol auditions. This was going to be something fun for me. I do not care
about the mainstream shit. Making a fool out of myself conciously is not
a big deal. I just care about singing infront of proffesionals and perhaps
hear someone who knows what it is talking about say that I am doing
good. Just like all the other fools, I want to get some kind of recognition,
at least for my own sake.

But... we all know that having fun in public is forbidden for me. To show
my ugly face in media is absolutely a forbidden thing! I mean look at me!
I have no clue why I am so different and must not do anything really, but
aparently there is SOMETHING about me that screams 'abnormal' or 'avoid'
since everybody either acts plasticly - as if they took pity on me - or just
plane ignores me. Being alone for some time has left me just that; alone.

I am not surprised to find that everyone has something better to do then
to acompany me on something that hopefully would lead me somewhere.
Aparantly promises have an expiration-date.
I never take anyone's words seriously anymore since it is pretty much
Impossible to tell when that promise expires. The hollow ones expires
emediately after they were uttered, or a second before.

I guess I am in this alone. How people make friends, I seriously do not know.
I do like to be alone, so I will say I brought it on myself... But it really piss
me off when people encourage me to do something, and then goes "Nah, I
have other things to do then follow you around".

I guess this is what I get when I stop acting like a tail;
Nobody wants to hang out with me.

Self-loathing is not bringing any friends, but sadly, this is the true thing...
I even went to the pathetic level off announcing into the "crowd" that
sometimes lets me invade their space that I am going to Idol to sing,
and I asked if someone wanted to come. You only get to bring one person,
but I could not even summon that to come along with me.

Haha, I really AM Pathetic. I guess I will be packing a lot of books...

You're not pathetic.