January
Wednesday 7 April 2010 photo 2/3
|
101% sant, har en lång lista här xD
1.) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
2.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
3.) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
4.) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
5.) The leading causes of death in the United States are: Heart Disease, Chuck Norris, and Cancer.
6.) Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
7.) Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting... Chuck Norris goes killing.
8.) Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
9.) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
10.) Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
11.) Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
12.) The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
13.) Most people have 23 pairs of chromosones. Chuck Norris has 71... and they're all poisonous.
14.) If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
15.) When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
16.) Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions to twelfth ingredient: Fear.
17.) CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
18.) Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
19.) There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
20.) Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
21.) What was going through the minds of all Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
22.) Chuck Norris is the only man to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
23.) Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
24.) Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
25.) A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
26.) If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
27.) Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fight II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this "glitch," Chuck Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
28.) Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
29.) The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in the second grade.
30.) Chuck Norris once shot down a German fight plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
31.) Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owe him a beer.
32.) Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded as historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
33.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and has learned karate.
34.) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
35.) Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises.
36.) In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
37.) Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell, "What the hell was that?!"
38.) Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
39.) Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
40.) Chuck Norris doesn't shower. He only takes blood baths.
41.) The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
42.) In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
43.) According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trails of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
44.) Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
45.) When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests and handgun and a bucket.
46.) There are no steroids in baseball. Just the players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
47.) Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
48.) Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
49.) When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
50.) Chuck Norris once at a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
51.) There are no races, just countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black or blue.
52.) A Chuck Norris-delivered roundhouse kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
53.) When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
54.) Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Band is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).
55.) Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
56.) How much wood would a wood chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
57.) Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
58.) In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
59.) Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
60.) If tapped, A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power Australia for 44 minutes.
61.) Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
62.) The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case, the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
63.) A picture is worth a thousand words. Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
64.) Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although is states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
65.) Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
66.) When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
67.) Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the War of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
68.) When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
69.) Contrary to popular belief, there is enough Chuck Norris to go around.
70.) Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only things that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
71.) For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
72.) When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8,000.
73.) Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
74.) When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
75.) Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades, and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
76.) On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects on lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
77.) In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said, "Get a job." That is the story of the universe.
78.) Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is Earth.
79.) Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth, and boils his water with his own rage.
80.) Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. If defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris."
81.) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
82.) Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
83.) If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
84.) Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
85.) Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strike, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
86.) It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
87.) Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
88.) Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
89.) Chuck Norris once at an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
90.) Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
91.) Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
92.) Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of pain.
93.) Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
94.) When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
95.) There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team" not even close.
96.) Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
97.) Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipes out their entire existence from the Space-Time spectrum.
98.) Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of all Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
99.) Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
100.) Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
101.) If you Google search "Chuck Norris" it will say "Chuck Norris cannot be found." This is because you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
2.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
3.) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
4.) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
5.) The leading causes of death in the United States are: Heart Disease, Chuck Norris, and Cancer.
6.) Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
7.) Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting... Chuck Norris goes killing.
8.) Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
9.) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
10.) Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
11.) Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
12.) The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
13.) Most people have 23 pairs of chromosones. Chuck Norris has 71... and they're all poisonous.
14.) If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
15.) When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
16.) Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions to twelfth ingredient: Fear.
17.) CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
18.) Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
19.) There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
20.) Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
21.) What was going through the minds of all Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
22.) Chuck Norris is the only man to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
23.) Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
24.) Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
25.) A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
26.) If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
27.) Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fight II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this "glitch," Chuck Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
28.) Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
29.) The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in the second grade.
30.) Chuck Norris once shot down a German fight plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
31.) Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owe him a beer.
32.) Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded as historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
33.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and has learned karate.
34.) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
35.) Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises.
36.) In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
37.) Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell, "What the hell was that?!"
38.) Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
39.) Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
40.) Chuck Norris doesn't shower. He only takes blood baths.
41.) The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
42.) In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
43.) According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trails of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
44.) Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
45.) When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests and handgun and a bucket.
46.) There are no steroids in baseball. Just the players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
47.) Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
48.) Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
49.) When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
50.) Chuck Norris once at a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
51.) There are no races, just countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black or blue.
52.) A Chuck Norris-delivered roundhouse kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
53.) When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
54.) Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Band is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).
55.) Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
56.) How much wood would a wood chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
57.) Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
58.) In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
59.) Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
60.) If tapped, A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power Australia for 44 minutes.
61.) Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
62.) The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case, the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
63.) A picture is worth a thousand words. Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
64.) Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although is states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
65.) Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
66.) When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
67.) Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the War of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
68.) When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
69.) Contrary to popular belief, there is enough Chuck Norris to go around.
70.) Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only things that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
71.) For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
72.) When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8,000.
73.) Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
74.) When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
75.) Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades, and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
76.) On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects on lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
77.) In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said, "Get a job." That is the story of the universe.
78.) Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is Earth.
79.) Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth, and boils his water with his own rage.
80.) Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. If defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris."
81.) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
82.) Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
83.) If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
84.) Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
85.) Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strike, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
86.) It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
87.) Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
88.) Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
89.) Chuck Norris once at an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
90.) Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
91.) Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
92.) Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of pain.
93.) Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
94.) When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
95.) There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team" not even close.
96.) Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
97.) Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipes out their entire existence from the Space-Time spectrum.
98.) Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of all Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
99.) Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
100.) Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
101.) If you Google search "Chuck Norris" it will say "Chuck Norris cannot be found." This is because you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Visa toppen
Show footer