Att förlora tid Dörren in till huset som rummet låg i small igen med en kraft som i sig kunde ha bevisat ett faktum som att rummet egentligen inte fanns. Den stora torra mattan låg och väntade på nya blöta steg att suga på. Den ovanligt stora bänken likt en svettig avbytarbänk i slutet utav andra perioden i amerikansk fotboll stod den också där och väntade. Vad vi väntar på är något värdigt. Vad vi väntar på måste ha en mening, det måste vara något speciellt som betyder mer för oss än för det vi väntar på. Vi lider för att uppnå något som är värt att lida för. Men när har vi väntat för länge? När bryter vi själva det band som vi länge har väntat på att få bekräfta? Nu har luften utanför rummet, ute på gatan strömmat in genom den smala öppningen och fyllt den stora mattan och bänken likaså rummet självt med energi. Luften kunde inte vänta. Men inuti rummet ligger luften och väntar. Precis som om den väntat på att dörren skulle gå upp. Nu börjar kylan inta rummet med bestämda steg, då kyla gärna visar sig så brutalt som en stor man med bestämda steg. Vi vill förstå. Varför väntar vi så? När den allra värsta kylan står framför våra fötter, vill vi inte göra allt annat än vänta? Tiden går sakta. Sekunden innan gasen från spisen som säkerligen är jämngammal med den gamla byggnaden fattar eld upplever vi som långsam. Den stunden väntar vi på längre än någon annan stund. Varför vill vi vänta? Varför vill vi så desperat vänta? Tiden vi väntar på måste vara så speciell och värdig att vi inte har tid att vänta senare om vi inte väntar precis nu.

är de anders? Mattes polare?

haha ;P Tack! Då får du läsa den här om du vill :) hehe



Run
Could it all have begun with a meeting, a meeting with a purpose one bit bigger than just the one thing we all want? We assume it all did.
We looked at each other. Just like two people do at a meeting. What one showed in motion, not with words always meant more to the other part. It was important to run, that was the first real feeling I felt, a need of escape. So I got the fuck out of there. The huge house stood there watching over the two cars just like a built in car-alarm. Was I supposed to break into my own car? The paranoid feeling had already taken control of me and I found myself driving away from the house 110 miles per hour. While the dust sprayed painted the side of my own stolen car the tears were skiing downhill with nothing to stop them.
Today is another day. This day is different. This day is full of hope and something else that I won’t understand. Could one be so afraid that the only thing one could think of also is the worst? If that ever was the truth I never could have done what I am about to do. I walked to the front door. I hit with my sweaty fists to the left side of the door. I could hear the footsteps from the stairs. Soon they would be in front of me. One second later they were. She opened the door. I said hello with a voice that screamed run. The heart was pumping like I was fighting for my life. My entire body was fleeing the scene. But it was stuck in the ground. I tried to run but all my efforts ended in me standing there, waiting for the chains around my feet to disappear.
This girl was everything I had been thinking of the last few months. When one cannot think of anything else for a week it takes you, it becomes a wall. It becomes a big brick wall that won’t go away because you want it to. I am not a sensitive kid, but she brings out tears in me. She could bring out tears from an eye that hasn’t seen rain in years. The eyes could be described in a couple of hundred pages. This girl could never grow up. I can never grow up now. This is someone who will never grow apart from you.

I took her hand to shake it. She seemed a bit disturbed. She went for a hug. The feeling became a sexual emotion. I felt warm and all the nervous feelings dropped flat dead on the ground. I could jump from the highest peak on earth. All my strength fell into her arms. She held me tight. A smile on my face emerged and I responded with a tight grip around her back. I could feel her smiling behind my neck. I was breathing her air and perfume. It was so nice. The feeling suddenly changed and surprised me like a hard blow towards my head when she let go of me. It hit me again and now I understood that it would not always be that sexual feeling inside my body.

She closed the door and I smiled to ease the fact of dissatisfaction. But I made it. I am here. Nothing’s got hold of me so hard that it took over. She smiled back to say I like you with her eyes, but not yet. We are both hard to get. It’s all a game of sexuality and maybe even in time love. Would it come to that? Would in time be a fact or dream?

Was I inside or outside? The feelings overwhelmed me and now I have to think hard to understand what is actually happening. She took my jacket and showed me to her room. I had never been there before. The stairway was curly and filled with old paintings of their family members. I felt like a burglar waiting to take one of those paintings and run like hell. We came to the second floor and turned right. Her room was a bit messy but she made sure there was no underwear present. We sat on her quite large, warm and soft bed. She talked a lot about her bed. It was nice to sleep in she said. All I could think of was me sleeping next to her at night every time she said the word sleep.

She asked me what I wanted to do. What I wished, what made me happy. All I wanted today was to see her. I hadn’t made any other plans for the day. But I lied and said that I wanted to watch a movie. I thought a movie could be interesting. Well no. I was thinking about lying next to her and feeling that sexual feeling again. Touch her body and smell her hair like it was my own.

The night fell over our heads and screamed silence. It was cosy. We were closer now. Our bodies felt warmer and I knew she thought I was all she ever wanted. I was her dream. We lied on her couch and stroked our fingers across our arms. The emotion of calm was a fact. She knew exactly what I was thinking. It was not a possibility that anyone of us could think of anything else that each other. Despite the fact that she knows all about me and my feelings I own her tonight, and she me.



The movie ended. We stood up, looked at each other and went to the kitchen were we sat and started talking. In my opinion talking is most of the relationship between two people. It is very important to spend a lot of time with each other. To have something to talk about, to have experience with each other is the best time spent. We started talking about absolutely nothing. Fish was the first subject. So we sat there talking about fish. We haven’t known each other for years so we had no memories to talk about. We started talking about our lives. She said something about her family and I about mine.

After some time it felt like we sucked the last drip of words from our mouths and the words meant very little. We went upstairs. The stairway seemed to take forever and the last step was taken with great caution. The door opened to soon be closed again. She sat on her bed and said I should probably help her to get the extra bed from the attic. I said sure and we walked up to the cold and lonely attic. I asked if this was how I was going to sleep tonight, cold and lonely? You can sleep in my bed if you want to. I said sure. She closed the door to the attic and turned off the lights. We were now in her room. The feeling was tense. She took of her sweater and socks. She asked me to turn around so she could change. It felt like one second later she told me to come to bed. It took even less than one second for me to get into that bed.

We lay next to each other and I started to tickle her hips. She laugh’s and says stop it. And I suddenly stop and find myself on top of her. Her soft and smooth hair covered her eyes. I leaned and stroked my hand over her forehead to get rid of the cover to see her face. I told her she was beautiful. She said no. You can’t see anything in this dark. I told her I don’t have to see to know. She laughed and smiled to me. I knew she did. She said that she wanted to dance. I told her I wanted to dance with the girl from my dreams. She said I’d better start dream than.

Too late. We were dancing. There was no music, just us and dancing. She said she was tired and wanted to go to bed. We lay down and pressed our bodies against each other. This sexual feeling was very nice. I suddenly stopped smiling to face the reality. She said she wanted to have sex with me. I said ok. The first thought that came up was fear. I was scared. I had never done this before and my experience of the whole thing was zero. But I couldn’t tell her that.

She had her pyjamas and I my underwear. She took off my sweater and threw it away. Then she took off her shirt and bra. I couldn’t see her breasts but I could feel them, that feeling again. It was a wonderful feeling that can’t really be described. She was now in only panties. We lay on top of each other with much pressure against each other, while we lay in the bed kissing and moved around. Then she reached with her hand to take off my underwear. Now I was completely naked. The feeling was complete.

I dreamt a lot of this moment and now I actually felt complete in that sense. She took off everything. It was hot. The sweat ran around all over my body and so on hers. I felt her body with everything. In this moment I owned her body. It all became intense. I felt satisfaction. Every second I hoped she was feeling the same. All my efforts of thinking went to her and the hope that she would be feeling the same satisfaction. It went to the max. My body couldn’t take more and I escaped the crime scene. Some times it actually felt like a crime. My thoughts went the way in to her. It felt like I knew her a little better after this. We had this connection.

We lay next to each other and kissed. I took her forehead and she my neck. This was a great night. I felt so happy with myself. I could tell her anything. I even dared to ask her if she liked it. She said yes. But the voice was not convincing. I smiled and knew that it wouldn’t help to say anything. We fell asleep, at least I.

Today is another day. I woke with a girl in my bed. The scary thought crossed my mind several times before it screamed run. I found myself staring into her eyes. I listened to my voice inside of me and ran. I now found myself in my car again. Driving from the crime scene.

Safely back in my own house the phone rings. It was she, the girl from my dreams. The girl with eyes one cannot describe without a thousand words. The phone rings. The phone screams. Don’t pick up the phone. The phone stops ringing, but whispers. Run.

Nikolai Meurman

tack!

yes!