January
Monday 5 December 2011 photo 1/2
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Shivers
I can feel him staring at me, and it’s making the hair in the back of my neck raise. His intense brown eyes give me goose bumps. I don’t really know where to look, because I know that if I look at him, he will be looking at me. The last thing I want right now is to be stuck in his gaze. Then he surely would understand my feelings for him. As far as I know, he doesn’t have a clue that I fancy him and that’s the way I want it to be.
I try to pretend like I’m not interested, totally ignoring him sometimes. But secretly I look at him and inspect his every move. Sometimes I just want to cry because of his beauty. I know that I don’t have a chance with him; he’s totally out of my reach, but still I can’t let go of that little spark of hope when he laughs at my jokes sometimes, when he smiles or even just look at me like he does now. There’s no sign in his eyes saying; I want you. But that look he gives me is enough to make my day. No one knows about my real feelings for him, not even my closest friends. They know that I think he looks good and such, but not the whole truth. He’s my own little secret. It feels nice to have something for myself for once; privacy isn’t a current thing in my day life. But sometimes I just want to pour my heart out and tell him and the rest of the world about my desires. Though if I did, my life would be turned upside down. The situation is like this; he’s my classmate. To say that my other classmates would understand and back me up if I told them would be a big fat lie. All the people in my class are shallow, stupid, ignorant idiots. But not him, he’s nice, gentle, caring, and polite. Sometimes he can be quite the idiot too, but not in the way like the others. That’s why my eye got caught by him; he’s not like other people. He’s special in every single way. For everyday which passes by without him being in my arms, is killing me, slowly, one piece at a time.
Sometimes it feels like he can look right into my very soul, like he’s reaching in, taking a firm grip around it and then rips it out. Then throws it on the ground and walk away, leaving me like an empty shell. This happens every day regularly in class and he can’t see it. He makes me so confused sometimes, the smiles tells me he wants to be friendly, the warm looks tells me he wants to get close, but that gaze, it can be so cold and empty, like a stone face. That tells me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. It’s not like I can ask him what’s going thru his mind, what he thinks about me. That would ruin everything. And I can’t ask anyone else to ask for me or to just dig around a little. It might sound like I don’t have any friends at all, but I do. I have a couple in my class but like I mentioned, they are shallow and wouldn’t understand. If I were to tell anyone the truth, they wouldn’t hesitate about telling the person sitting right next to them. Don’t get me wrong, they are great friends but I can’t trust them with secrets. So I got no other choice than to solve this on my own and take one day at a time.
Now he’s looking at me again and again and again. Every time I look over, he’s watching me. I don’t know how I should take it. He’s not being cold or warm. He’s just simply…looking. And frankly, it’s driving me insane. It tingles in every inch of my body when he looks over and it gives me the shivers. I don’t want to look, but my eyes are drawn to him because I know he’s watching me. Though every time I take a peak, I look away just as quickly in lack of something better to do. It’s not like I can stare back at him because that would be weird. Still I can’t help but wonder why he’s looking at me. Is it because he’s bored? Or could it be that he’s actually interested? Not likely, but I can still hope.
7/9-11 Towa Bergh
I try to pretend like I’m not interested, totally ignoring him sometimes. But secretly I look at him and inspect his every move. Sometimes I just want to cry because of his beauty. I know that I don’t have a chance with him; he’s totally out of my reach, but still I can’t let go of that little spark of hope when he laughs at my jokes sometimes, when he smiles or even just look at me like he does now. There’s no sign in his eyes saying; I want you. But that look he gives me is enough to make my day. No one knows about my real feelings for him, not even my closest friends. They know that I think he looks good and such, but not the whole truth. He’s my own little secret. It feels nice to have something for myself for once; privacy isn’t a current thing in my day life. But sometimes I just want to pour my heart out and tell him and the rest of the world about my desires. Though if I did, my life would be turned upside down. The situation is like this; he’s my classmate. To say that my other classmates would understand and back me up if I told them would be a big fat lie. All the people in my class are shallow, stupid, ignorant idiots. But not him, he’s nice, gentle, caring, and polite. Sometimes he can be quite the idiot too, but not in the way like the others. That’s why my eye got caught by him; he’s not like other people. He’s special in every single way. For everyday which passes by without him being in my arms, is killing me, slowly, one piece at a time.
Sometimes it feels like he can look right into my very soul, like he’s reaching in, taking a firm grip around it and then rips it out. Then throws it on the ground and walk away, leaving me like an empty shell. This happens every day regularly in class and he can’t see it. He makes me so confused sometimes, the smiles tells me he wants to be friendly, the warm looks tells me he wants to get close, but that gaze, it can be so cold and empty, like a stone face. That tells me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. It’s not like I can ask him what’s going thru his mind, what he thinks about me. That would ruin everything. And I can’t ask anyone else to ask for me or to just dig around a little. It might sound like I don’t have any friends at all, but I do. I have a couple in my class but like I mentioned, they are shallow and wouldn’t understand. If I were to tell anyone the truth, they wouldn’t hesitate about telling the person sitting right next to them. Don’t get me wrong, they are great friends but I can’t trust them with secrets. So I got no other choice than to solve this on my own and take one day at a time.
Now he’s looking at me again and again and again. Every time I look over, he’s watching me. I don’t know how I should take it. He’s not being cold or warm. He’s just simply…looking. And frankly, it’s driving me insane. It tingles in every inch of my body when he looks over and it gives me the shivers. I don’t want to look, but my eyes are drawn to him because I know he’s watching me. Though every time I take a peak, I look away just as quickly in lack of something better to do. It’s not like I can stare back at him because that would be weird. Still I can’t help but wonder why he’s looking at me. Is it because he’s bored? Or could it be that he’s actually interested? Not likely, but I can still hope.
Visa toppen
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