March
Tuesday 18 August 2009 photo 1/6
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<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 100%;">Over time it seems many people have forgotten the most important
ingredient to a good gaming experience: the good game. And by "game" I
am not referring to shader affects, high polygon counts, compelling story
or other irrelevant nonsense I don't give a submarining fuck about. I mean
the actual game play, the part were you control stuff and have it interact with
other stuff and then your brain generates fun. If I wanted a compelling story
I'd read a book. Theres only a few million of them already in existence, the
majority of which are written by people whose talents compare to the best
video game writers the same way Kobe Bryant's penis might compare to
that of a poorly endowed tit mouse. If enduring 90-minutes of CGI cut scenes
dubbed with pornography grade voice acting sound exciting to you, I suggest
you immediately navigate your web browser to the neighborhood torrent site
and start downloading something called a "movie". Any of them really, because
apparently you are very easily satisfied. Perhaps I'm romanticizing the past
here but I remember a time when most games were about being challenged to
explore new game play mechanics, about learning and solving new puzzles,
about improving your skills against all types of adversaries, and about feeling
proud of your accomplishments. Now, the most shiny particle effected vessels
guiding any soccer-mom-caliber gamer through a generic 3rd grade level story
where anyone with a brain the size of a steroid shrunk testicle can pretend to
be a hero and maintain a fantasy
<!--coloro:#48D1CC--><!--/coloro-->OF NOT SUCKING BALLS AT VIDEO GAMES<!--colorc--><!--/colorc-->..!
But.. but need I see a reason for what I am doing
Motivation for my character
A Backstory!
Would you really need a backstory to play Donkey Kong you twat?
how 'bout football, or poker? If the process of playing a game isn't fun for
you well maybe your not a "gamer". Of course, not to say I'm unappreciative
of all my free kills in CoD4 (Call of duty 4) but lately I've become rather miffed
at the notion of this overwhelming number of noobs has negatively influenced
the direction of video game design for ever, instead of humanity pursuing the
development of the next chess we have an endless supply of 8-hour long
interactive B-movie experiences at 60 dollars a pop with unimaginative
e-skinned sequels announced out 3 seconds after the current product is launched.
Congratulations noobs! You have effectively raised an army of consumer gaming
-zombies who conveniently seem to lack not only artistic standards but opposable
thumbs, I'd be inclined to look the other way and ignore the thumbless zombie
parade but these bundling post bouts have the audacity to hate on us, the gamers
who play games for game-play and so were subjects to the endless of uses of idiotic
whiners..
noob:
- Rusher fag
- Haxor
- No life loser
- IMBALANCE!!!
But the truth is the only imbalance here is coming from your underdeveloped
inner ear you <!--coloro:#0000FF--><!--/coloro-->UNCOORDINATED BALL of GHEY<!--colorc--><!--/colorc-->. I am truely sorry
you have your clumsy ass kicked around in gym class like a hacky sack in the 1980's but thats
not reason to be a sandy cruch vagina while i'm kicking your virtual ass in super smash brothers
brawl. Even more infuryating then the consumer zombie noobs are the noobs whos job it is playing
video games then criticing them for mass public consumption, these champions of all mentality
shouldn't bother me since i've become custum to unqualified nitwits performing undeserved jobs,
but except within gaming media circles being a noob seems to have become some fucking prerequesite,
I know life with a lack of apinch grip may be frustrating but calling a 3 hour single player experience
the hieght of game design and comparing the dialog in gta4 to that of the god father in nothing less than
absolutly retarded. Heres the unpleasent truth your teachers lied to you when they said that anyone
even you can become an astronaut, some people are just naturally better at somethings than others,
theres something called tallent. No matter how hard I try i'll never paint the <!--coloro:#2E8B57--><!--/coloro-->Mona Lisa<!--colorc--><!--/colorc-->, or invent the
quantum computer and no matter how hard you try you'll never finish Contra without cheating
(up, up, down, down, right, left, right, left, B, A) many people have a genuin desire to challenge
themselves to be better this does not make them alien, or cruel and certainly not rusher fags,
it just makes them Uber Gamers, It not reason to resent them atleast no more then you resent John
Holmes for his enormous cock. So the next time you think..
I can beat all the pro gamers if I play as hard as them.
<!--coloro:#98FB98--><!--/coloro-->THINK AGAIN<!--colorc--><!--/colorc-->
That belief is as pethetic as the accent I am talking in right now.
All the basketball training in the world wont help you pudgy 5'4 dippled bottom
make the NBA just like all the starcraft training in the world couldn't
prevent Park Sung Joon from sticking his golden mouse in your ass.
ingredient to a good gaming experience: the good game. And by "game" I
am not referring to shader affects, high polygon counts, compelling story
or other irrelevant nonsense I don't give a submarining fuck about. I mean
the actual game play, the part were you control stuff and have it interact with
other stuff and then your brain generates fun. If I wanted a compelling story
I'd read a book. Theres only a few million of them already in existence, the
majority of which are written by people whose talents compare to the best
video game writers the same way Kobe Bryant's penis might compare to
that of a poorly endowed tit mouse. If enduring 90-minutes of CGI cut scenes
dubbed with pornography grade voice acting sound exciting to you, I suggest
you immediately navigate your web browser to the neighborhood torrent site
and start downloading something called a "movie". Any of them really, because
apparently you are very easily satisfied. Perhaps I'm romanticizing the past
here but I remember a time when most games were about being challenged to
explore new game play mechanics, about learning and solving new puzzles,
about improving your skills against all types of adversaries, and about feeling
proud of your accomplishments. Now, the most shiny particle effected vessels
guiding any soccer-mom-caliber gamer through a generic 3rd grade level story
where anyone with a brain the size of a steroid shrunk testicle can pretend to
be a hero and maintain a fantasy
<!--coloro:#48D1CC--><!--/coloro-->OF NOT SUCKING BALLS AT VIDEO GAMES<!--colorc--><!--/colorc-->..!
But.. but need I see a reason for what I am doing
Motivation for my character
A Backstory!
Would you really need a backstory to play Donkey Kong you twat?
how 'bout football, or poker? If the process of playing a game isn't fun for
you well maybe your not a "gamer". Of course, not to say I'm unappreciative
of all my free kills in CoD4 (Call of duty 4) but lately I've become rather miffed
at the notion of this overwhelming number of noobs has negatively influenced
the direction of video game design for ever, instead of humanity pursuing the
development of the next chess we have an endless supply of 8-hour long
interactive B-movie experiences at 60 dollars a pop with unimaginative
e-skinned sequels announced out 3 seconds after the current product is launched.
Congratulations noobs! You have effectively raised an army of consumer gaming
-zombies who conveniently seem to lack not only artistic standards but opposable
thumbs, I'd be inclined to look the other way and ignore the thumbless zombie
parade but these bundling post bouts have the audacity to hate on us, the gamers
who play games for game-play and so were subjects to the endless of uses of idiotic
whiners..
noob:
- Rusher fag
- Haxor
- No life loser
- IMBALANCE!!!
But the truth is the only imbalance here is coming from your underdeveloped
inner ear you <!--coloro:#0000FF--><!--/coloro-->UNCOORDINATED BALL of GHEY<!--colorc--><!--/colorc-->. I am truely sorry
you have your clumsy ass kicked around in gym class like a hacky sack in the 1980's but thats
not reason to be a sandy cruch vagina while i'm kicking your virtual ass in super smash brothers
brawl. Even more infuryating then the consumer zombie noobs are the noobs whos job it is playing
video games then criticing them for mass public consumption, these champions of all mentality
shouldn't bother me since i've become custum to unqualified nitwits performing undeserved jobs,
but except within gaming media circles being a noob seems to have become some fucking prerequesite,
I know life with a lack of apinch grip may be frustrating but calling a 3 hour single player experience
the hieght of game design and comparing the dialog in gta4 to that of the god father in nothing less than
absolutly retarded. Heres the unpleasent truth your teachers lied to you when they said that anyone
even you can become an astronaut, some people are just naturally better at somethings than others,
theres something called tallent. No matter how hard I try i'll never paint the <!--coloro:#2E8B57--><!--/coloro-->Mona Lisa<!--colorc--><!--/colorc-->, or invent the
quantum computer and no matter how hard you try you'll never finish Contra without cheating
(up, up, down, down, right, left, right, left, B, A) many people have a genuin desire to challenge
themselves to be better this does not make them alien, or cruel and certainly not rusher fags,
it just makes them Uber Gamers, It not reason to resent them atleast no more then you resent John
Holmes for his enormous cock. So the next time you think..
I can beat all the pro gamers if I play as hard as them.
<!--coloro:#98FB98--><!--/coloro-->THINK AGAIN<!--colorc--><!--/colorc-->
That belief is as pethetic as the accent I am talking in right now.
All the basketball training in the world wont help you pudgy 5'4 dippled bottom
make the NBA just like all the starcraft training in the world couldn't
prevent Park Sung Joon from sticking his golden mouse in your ass.
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