Saturday 4 September 2010 photo 1/1
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“You know, sometimes it's nice to remember you, though that’s hard to believe.
It makes me feel more alive, makes me breathe in a different way.
Sometimes it does not only hurts when you are floating in under my eyelids,
sometimes it's nice to have you with me, if only so in my mind, comfort and guidance.
And sometimes it does me good to know that beauty once roamed this world,
and penetrated us who got to experience your laughter.
Though, most of the times it only hurts.
And I’ll always miss you, with every breath."
Breathe, I though to myself.
Her face was all filled with colours; light-red lips, rosy cheeks, white teeth, exposed as she laughed; blue eyes, framed with thick, black lashes; bronze, shoulder-length and curly hair framing it all in a frizzy mess. The rest of her cream-coloured skin looked as soft as silk, and you got the impression that if you touched it, your fingers would float right through. And the morning-sun, witch came from behind her, while she blocked it with her beautifully sculpted being, surrounded her whole body, and made the morning so very perfect. Brittle, golden beams hit the surroundings. A tiny birthmark placed wryly above her mouth made her beauty even more pronounced, since it gave her face and edge, at the same time as it made her exotic.
As she danced slowly back and forth right where she stood, in front of me, she sang and laughed at the same time. The pearls witch hung around her neck matched her pearl earrings. As I watched her enjoy the early-morning sunshine, I smiled to myself. She really was happy. And I had given that to her; happiness. And she had given the same to me.
Dancing along with her were the flowers and the trees reaching for the sky. The wind ran through both the leafs of the trees, the grass and the hair of the woman I was now laughing along with. As she sang at the top of her lunges, she dragged me up in her arms, hugging me tight, and then started to hum a lullaby softly in my ear. The whole situation was so beautiful it made me want to cry. The smell of her perfume intoxicated my head; like chai-tea. I inhaled it deeply, and imagined living without her. As I did, I hugged her tighter, knowing that such a thing was impossible, and I kissed her. As the kiss ended she clung to it as if it was as important as her last breath. I knew that she needed me as desperately as I needed her. That made warmth spread through my heart and out in every vein of my body, and every cell vibrated as they grasped the meaning. I had always known that she loved me, but not this much.
And the why-part was still hanging in the air. How could she love me? I was a simple soul, without anything to offer. She used to say that love was all that mattered. I could agree to as certain point; death had to come. But that made no difference now, since I had her. With her in my arms I could embrace the man who everyone feared, death, and I would greet him with a smile. Shake his hand, and tell him about my life. Because if I had my loved one with me at all time, there would never be anything to fear.
It makes me feel more alive, makes me breathe in a different way.
Sometimes it does not only hurts when you are floating in under my eyelids,
sometimes it's nice to have you with me, if only so in my mind, comfort and guidance.
And sometimes it does me good to know that beauty once roamed this world,
and penetrated us who got to experience your laughter.
Though, most of the times it only hurts.