December
Thursday 17 July 2008 photo 1/1
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The Bro Code
1. Bro's before ho's.
2. The mom of a Bro is always off limits but the step-mom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing.
3. Bro's cannot make eye contact during a "devil's three-way" (two dudes).
4. Don't date within the same clique.
5. Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK.
6. If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:
* Was an ex-girlfriend.
* Your Bro specifically told you he wanted her.
* Is you're buddy's sister.
However, if it's your Bro's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in Bros face for years to come.
7. Never diss a Bro if his team just lost a crushing game
8. You must never own a cat.
9. If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:
* Your Bros (in order of how long you've known them).
* Your acquaintances.
* Your co-workers.
* The mailman.
* The UPS guy.
* NASA.
* John Kerry.
10. As a Bro you are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more. And if you like Grease, well, you're already too late.
11. Birthday and Christmas presents for your Bros are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.
12. If you go the bar with your Bros, you must buy a round of drinks at least once.
13. There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.
14. If you owe a Bro money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible-unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.
15. Standard shotgun rules are as follows:
* Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
* Shotgun must be called outside.
* Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
* Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.
16. NO P.D.A. (Public Displays of Affection). Hey, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight of you. You don't need to wear her like a fucking trophy.
17. It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games."
18. Don't tell other Bros elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.
19. Never openly question another Bros sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team. It doesn't matter how ludicrous the other Bro sounds telling you that Jake Plummer was better than Steve McNair last season, let said Bro be.
20. When out with Bros, never accept a call from your girlfriend-unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick.
21. Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.
22. Never share a bed with a Bro, unless there's no way around it.
23. Bros before hos. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my Bros have become insufferable dicks since they've gone out with someone.
24. In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 Bros.
25. A Bro should not sing and dance at the same time.
26. A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.
27. A Bro should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.
28. Bros do not lie about their age.
29. A Bro should not swing his arms when he is walking.
30. A Bro should never carry a woman's handbag
31. A Bro should never go tanning.
32. No Bro should dye their hair.
33. A Bro should never refer to an athlete as a "stud".
34. A Bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that said Bro does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.
35. A Bro should not "pop" his collar.
36. A Bro should not speak more than two languages.
37. A Bro should never say "It's to die for".
38. A Bro should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat.
39. A Bro should not wear an ascot.
40. A Bro should never use the following terms: "fantabulous", "ginormous" and "fierce".
41. A Bro should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower.
42. A Bro should never "sip" and alcoholic drink through a straw
43. A Bro should never wear a blouse.
44. If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom.
45. A Bro should not wear crocs.
46. A Bro should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes.
47. A Bro should never wear a sweater over his shoulders.
48. A Bro should not eat grapes from the vines.
49. A Bro should never rollerblade.
50. The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone
51. If you compliment a Bro on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
52. A Bro should never, ever wear capri pants.
53. A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection.
54. A Bro should not wear flip flops with a suit.
55. No Bro should wear a speedo to the beach.
56. A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool.
57. A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio
58. If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
59. One Bro makes a solo attack.
A second Bro provides a crutch.
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much.
60. Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl's wildly unattractive cousin/friend/mother.
61. A Bro shall honor thy father and mother.
62. In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.
63. In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to: the high-five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
64. A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bros favourite sports team in a playoff scenario.
65. A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.
66. If a Bro suffers pain due to a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a "that sucks, man" and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
67. Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
68. If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardising his own records, the missing of work, or temporary immigration to a foreign country.
69. No Bro should make a kissing face in a photo.
70. No Bro should wear girl jeans
71. No Bro should ever get a pedicure
72. A Bro should never highlight his hair.
73. A Bro should not talk to another Bro in the bathroom.
74. A Bro should never sing show tunes.
75. A Bro should never eat out of another man's hands.
76. Two Bros should not share an umbrella.
77. A Bro never cries.
78. A Bro should not have "an outfit", with the exception of a suit.
79. A Bro should not wear a white belt.
80. A Bro should never wiggle out of a pair of pants.
81. Never used the word "Bro" in the name of a failed Democratic vice presidential candidate.
82. A phone call from one Bro to another shall not last any longer than 3 minutes. Should said 3 minutes approach, it is understood that both parties can end the conversation for any reason whatsoever.
83...
84...
85...
86...
87. A Bro shalt at all times say yes.
88...
89. A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro.
1. Bro's before ho's.
2. The mom of a Bro is always off limits but the step-mom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing.
3. Bro's cannot make eye contact during a "devil's three-way" (two dudes).
4. Don't date within the same clique.
5. Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK.
6. If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:
* Was an ex-girlfriend.
* Your Bro specifically told you he wanted her.
* Is you're buddy's sister.
However, if it's your Bro's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in Bros face for years to come.
7. Never diss a Bro if his team just lost a crushing game
8. You must never own a cat.
9. If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:
* Your Bros (in order of how long you've known them).
* Your acquaintances.
* Your co-workers.
* The mailman.
* The UPS guy.
* NASA.
* John Kerry.
10. As a Bro you are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more. And if you like Grease, well, you're already too late.
11. Birthday and Christmas presents for your Bros are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.
12. If you go the bar with your Bros, you must buy a round of drinks at least once.
13. There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.
14. If you owe a Bro money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible-unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.
15. Standard shotgun rules are as follows:
* Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
* Shotgun must be called outside.
* Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
* Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.
16. NO P.D.A. (Public Displays of Affection). Hey, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight of you. You don't need to wear her like a fucking trophy.
17. It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games."
18. Don't tell other Bros elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.
19. Never openly question another Bros sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team. It doesn't matter how ludicrous the other Bro sounds telling you that Jake Plummer was better than Steve McNair last season, let said Bro be.
20. When out with Bros, never accept a call from your girlfriend-unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick.
21. Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.
22. Never share a bed with a Bro, unless there's no way around it.
23. Bros before hos. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my Bros have become insufferable dicks since they've gone out with someone.
24. In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 Bros.
25. A Bro should not sing and dance at the same time.
26. A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.
27. A Bro should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.
28. Bros do not lie about their age.
29. A Bro should not swing his arms when he is walking.
30. A Bro should never carry a woman's handbag
31. A Bro should never go tanning.
32. No Bro should dye their hair.
33. A Bro should never refer to an athlete as a "stud".
34. A Bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that said Bro does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.
35. A Bro should not "pop" his collar.
36. A Bro should not speak more than two languages.
37. A Bro should never say "It's to die for".
38. A Bro should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat.
39. A Bro should not wear an ascot.
40. A Bro should never use the following terms: "fantabulous", "ginormous" and "fierce".
41. A Bro should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower.
42. A Bro should never "sip" and alcoholic drink through a straw
43. A Bro should never wear a blouse.
44. If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom.
45. A Bro should not wear crocs.
46. A Bro should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes.
47. A Bro should never wear a sweater over his shoulders.
48. A Bro should not eat grapes from the vines.
49. A Bro should never rollerblade.
50. The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone
51. If you compliment a Bro on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
52. A Bro should never, ever wear capri pants.
53. A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection.
54. A Bro should not wear flip flops with a suit.
55. No Bro should wear a speedo to the beach.
56. A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool.
57. A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio
58. If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
59. One Bro makes a solo attack.
A second Bro provides a crutch.
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much.
60. Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl's wildly unattractive cousin/friend/mother.
61. A Bro shall honor thy father and mother.
62. In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.
63. In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to: the high-five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
64. A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bros favourite sports team in a playoff scenario.
65. A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.
66. If a Bro suffers pain due to a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a "that sucks, man" and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
67. Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
68. If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardising his own records, the missing of work, or temporary immigration to a foreign country.
69. No Bro should make a kissing face in a photo.
70. No Bro should wear girl jeans
71. No Bro should ever get a pedicure
72. A Bro should never highlight his hair.
73. A Bro should not talk to another Bro in the bathroom.
74. A Bro should never sing show tunes.
75. A Bro should never eat out of another man's hands.
76. Two Bros should not share an umbrella.
77. A Bro never cries.
78. A Bro should not have "an outfit", with the exception of a suit.
79. A Bro should not wear a white belt.
80. A Bro should never wiggle out of a pair of pants.
81. Never used the word "Bro" in the name of a failed Democratic vice presidential candidate.
82. A phone call from one Bro to another shall not last any longer than 3 minutes. Should said 3 minutes approach, it is understood that both parties can end the conversation for any reason whatsoever.
83...
84...
85...
86...
87. A Bro shalt at all times say yes.
88...
89. A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro.
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