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Yoda. Revered Jedi Master. 900 year old genius. Very smart short green guy. Star of 4 Star Wars movies and at least 1 computer game. That game is Yoda's Story, but this article isn't about that. Yoda's Story is a game for young kids where you potter about as the old Muppet, but Yoda's REAL Story is somewhat different. One of the biggest mysteries to any Star Wars fan is what species is Yoda? I can answer that, he's human. "What do you mean he's human?", I hear you cry, "he's short, green and has three digits! And the ears...." All very good arguments.
Your average human doesn't look like that. Yoda didn't look like that 80 years ago. He was born Hershel Yodakovich, son of a dentist and homemaker. Early live for Hershel, Hershey to friends, was pretty typical. He had good grades, went to college to become an accountant, met a beautiful woman and got married. Life was fine, if a little dull. Then the sixties hit... "Boring life, I lead" said the Jedi Master, in a rare interview with me. Yoda doesn't interviews all the time, I don't. "Always my mind on where I was, hmm? What I was doing! Adventure, huh. Excitement, an accountant craves not these things!" Yoda was out for a drive one day when everything changed.
"A Volkswagen van, it was. My future friends Cheech and Chong were it's owners. Broken down they had and help I did." That one act of typical kindness would change his life for ever. "Helped them fix the van I did, and Cheech wanted to reward me. Chong said 'He's too old. Too old to start the training, man" but Cheech was insistent. "I had my first dooby that day and a blur the next 20 years are." Yoda spent the next couple of decades completely trashed. Constant exposure to various illicit substances caused him to shrink, permanently died his skin and loose his sense of sentence structure. His fingers and toes were lost in various incidents with sharp instruments in an attempt to cook food when he had the munchies. He didn't even remember making the first couple of movies, and most of The Phantom Menace is also a blur.
"Helped me, Sam did." Yoda is of course referring to co-star Samuel L Jackson. Sam is a recovered alcoholic and knows a thing or two about getting over addiction. "I came on to the set for one of the Council scenes," said Sam, "and was amazed to be working with Yoda. I mean, he's the man! I was more amazed when I saw what was in his hand." Sam had walked in on Yoda blazing up on set. Over the next few months he helped Yoda give it all up and get back in shape. The results can be seen in Attack of the Clones in cinemas in just under two weeks. "Kick ass, I do." exclaimed Yoda, proudly. "Clones is the first film I remember making, but I have seen the others. Trouble even walking I had. Wait until you see me now!"
Next time Ranger Dave will be talking to Chewbacca about his fur ball issues.
Your average human doesn't look like that. Yoda didn't look like that 80 years ago. He was born Hershel Yodakovich, son of a dentist and homemaker. Early live for Hershel, Hershey to friends, was pretty typical. He had good grades, went to college to become an accountant, met a beautiful woman and got married. Life was fine, if a little dull. Then the sixties hit... "Boring life, I lead" said the Jedi Master, in a rare interview with me. Yoda doesn't interviews all the time, I don't. "Always my mind on where I was, hmm? What I was doing! Adventure, huh. Excitement, an accountant craves not these things!" Yoda was out for a drive one day when everything changed.
"A Volkswagen van, it was. My future friends Cheech and Chong were it's owners. Broken down they had and help I did." That one act of typical kindness would change his life for ever. "Helped them fix the van I did, and Cheech wanted to reward me. Chong said 'He's too old. Too old to start the training, man" but Cheech was insistent. "I had my first dooby that day and a blur the next 20 years are." Yoda spent the next couple of decades completely trashed. Constant exposure to various illicit substances caused him to shrink, permanently died his skin and loose his sense of sentence structure. His fingers and toes were lost in various incidents with sharp instruments in an attempt to cook food when he had the munchies. He didn't even remember making the first couple of movies, and most of The Phantom Menace is also a blur.
"Helped me, Sam did." Yoda is of course referring to co-star Samuel L Jackson. Sam is a recovered alcoholic and knows a thing or two about getting over addiction. "I came on to the set for one of the Council scenes," said Sam, "and was amazed to be working with Yoda. I mean, he's the man! I was more amazed when I saw what was in his hand." Sam had walked in on Yoda blazing up on set. Over the next few months he helped Yoda give it all up and get back in shape. The results can be seen in Attack of the Clones in cinemas in just under two weeks. "Kick ass, I do." exclaimed Yoda, proudly. "Clones is the first film I remember making, but I have seen the others. Trouble even walking I had. Wait until you see me now!"
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