As the late day was turning into early evening i found myself sitting on a cold pipe leading out into the sea, i spent some time here to try and figure out what my mind was trying to tell me. The entire day i had a feeling that something was about to change, what i didn't know was that it was about to become worse. The day started as a day filled with joy but slowly it became darker and darker and with it my thoughts aswell, am i really in control over myself or has the earth made its way into my soul and in some way taken over? Sounds crasy doesn't it? ofcourse it does, but what seems crasy to you might be normal to me. I am starting to believe that my mood swings are competely driven by the surroundings, when the day is clear it is hard to make me feel down but whenever there is a cloud covering the sun i enter a somewhat dark and blue state of mind. And now all ifeel is sorrow, it is not anger or pain, but a feeling of nothing. a completely black cold chilling world has taken over and here i spend my time digging through whatever i can come across that gets me even deeper into this chaos. Thats what it feel like, complete chaos. Uncontrolable emotions rushing up and down my spine bringing nothing and taking everything away. Why am i writing this in english i dont know, ive always had a thing for expressing my emotions this way. It might be that i dont feel as much connection to the words when they are written in english, not that it really makes any difference to me. The mind doesnt speak a language atleast not mine, i dont know what the words looks like in my head i mean it all just runs out through my fingers and onto whatever surface i have to write them down on. I can't say i dont liek it cause i do, to me i might aswell speak english aswell as swedish the thoughts are still the same. It's a cold night tonight and it brings me nothing but sorrow. Something broke inside of me today something i wasn't ready for just bursted out and whats left is the feeling of emptyness, in other words nothing. Weird tho that nothing can take up so much space, it creeps and crawls in my mind hiding somewhere behind it all just a big feeling of nothing.

Nothing left for me to say

just let me feel it one more time and then i'll go away.
The smile i try to bring this world gets smaller every day
No matter what i do or don't the feelings stay the same
I try i fail and all thats left is nothing, fear and shame.
I thought i had it good before but now i dont know why
Why i do the things i do and why i never cry
is this my curse, my price to pay
for being who i am?

If thats the truth then take me now
im sick of who i am
Make me into something else, that never feels this way
Please let me be a happy being with not a care in the world
or make me into that invisible one, that just blends into the herd
Im sick of being noticed, but that is what i do
i make them notice me instead of listening to you.
Please let me be for just a day just a noone, noone knows
let me rest my tired mind, im sick of doing shows.
Thats what i do i act i play
I'm never my true self
the only time i am myself is when im your's all day.

Annons

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Dafisk Mon 9 Nov 2009 16:09

Yes ayah jag har min emo moments... fan ingen som kommenterar så jag får la lov att göra det själv

Dafisk Mon 9 Nov 2009 16:10

Sen kan jag svara på mina egna kommentarer också för det är coolt har jag hört ;)

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January 2010