Sunday 19 December 2010 photo 1/1
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There was nothing.
Nothing I wanted to do, nothing I wanted to see. Nothing to look forward to. I became isolated, captured in my own body. No thoughts were let out. I didn’t even bare to care enough to fake some smiles. I wasn’t even there.
I had my family and I had my best friend, but they felt so far away. I could see them clearly, but I couldn’t reach out and touch them. It was like I was in a different dimension.
Everything I ever did turned out wrong, became disappointments one after the other. Every breath I took felt wasted. Wasted on something useless.
I didn’t want to drag them down, or make them even more disappointed. I could see in their eyes, how the hope of me smiling again slowly faded away. And I felt like something disgusting. Like a black spot on a white, beautiful piece of fabric.
Of everyone I hated, I hated myself the most.
I wanted to get rid of the uselessness. I wanted to erase myself from life so that it would be easier for everyone else to be happy, without that worrying glance into my foggy world.
I wanted to kill myself, so I tried.
And I failed.
Nothing I wanted to do, nothing I wanted to see. Nothing to look forward to. I became isolated, captured in my own body. No thoughts were let out. I didn’t even bare to care enough to fake some smiles. I wasn’t even there.
I had my family and I had my best friend, but they felt so far away. I could see them clearly, but I couldn’t reach out and touch them. It was like I was in a different dimension.
Everything I ever did turned out wrong, became disappointments one after the other. Every breath I took felt wasted. Wasted on something useless.
I didn’t want to drag them down, or make them even more disappointed. I could see in their eyes, how the hope of me smiling again slowly faded away. And I felt like something disgusting. Like a black spot on a white, beautiful piece of fabric.
Of everyone I hated, I hated myself the most.
I wanted to get rid of the uselessness. I wanted to erase myself from life so that it would be easier for everyone else to be happy, without that worrying glance into my foggy world.
I wanted to kill myself, so I tried.
And I failed.
Och vilken underbar, underbar bild! <3
*Krama på Jake*
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