Sunday 6 October 2013 photo 3/3
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(Since Nowaki's "owner" is no longer in the group I'll interprete that as he's dead)
*Kaname held his head high with an emotionless expression on his face as he finally let go of the stretcher with Nowaki's body-bag on it and let the personel take the body away. He had asked for answers, but they had just told him that they couldn't find any reason to why his beloved was dead. They'd have to autopsy him before they could give any clear answers at all. He wanted to cry so badly, but he had to keep a straight face among the patients.
He watched them walk away with the stretcher and felt his heart break into more and more pieces as further away his beloveds body got from him*
WAIT!
*he yelled to get them to stop, and so they did. He run up to the stretcher and opened the bag just slight so he could see his beloveds face one last time, softly caressing his cheek and ran his hands through the soft lilac hair he loved so much before leaning down and kissed his beloveds lips for the last time.
He then quickly closed the bag again and waved with his hand to signal to them to go, quick, or he'd never be able to let go. He looked after them once more and felt his heart tear to pieces in his chest, swollowing hard and placed his hand over his mouth to keep from screaming, biting his lip til' it broke. As soon as the stretcher was out of sight he quickly turned, running back to his office and closed the door to then let himself fall down to his knees, letting out a heartbroken scream*
NNNNrrhhaaHaaaHaanghhhaaa!
*he pulled his hair hard to cover his face, slapped himself sennding his glasses flying and hit his fists towards the floor as the tears started to stream uncontrolably and the let the sobs escape him. He sat like that for a few seconds before he rose and wrenched everything from his desk down on the floor and ripped a few photo's, diplomas and certificates off his walls, glass breaking, crying hard letting out another scream to let the pain out.
What did any of this matter?! What did he matter?! Nowaki was gone.. He had lost yet another beloved. Why did this always happen?! Was he jinxed?
He hadn't dared to love properly since he had lost his former partner, and now, so soon after finally letting his heart open up again, letting Nowaki in and let himself dare to hope he had found love again.. After he had sworn himself to only Nowaki and Nowaki alone.. Gone!
Yet again gone!.. Alone!
He watched the mess he had made with big eyes breathing heavy, feeling like he'd throw up any second. He then caught eye of the picture he'd had of Nowaki on his desk, feeling his chest cramp and let out a silent scream.
He picked up the picture and sat himself down in the right corner behind his desk, rocking himself hard and hugged the picture close to his chest, quietly starting to sing in a shaky, broken voice to himself to try to calm down, still sobbing and letting the tears stream*
Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly
I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you were always there for me
You were always there waiting
And ill come home and I miss your face so
Smiling down on me
I close my eyes to see
And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me
Annons
Kio stops as he hears the heart scream and looks at Kanames door..he backs away a few step as his more scared than curious but as he knows that someone in that room are sad he walks to the door and knocking on it carefully..
he bit his lip and looks at the door "s..sir?..m..may I c..come I..inside?.." he put his hand on the door "I..I don't w..want u t..to be s..sad and..especially n..not a..alone..I..if u are..t..this s..sad.."
Inamabilis
Mon 14 Oct 2013 06:13
Do as you want..*Kaname replied form the other side of the door, nor sure of what he wanted about anything anymore*
he opens the door carefully and walks inside..he stops for some seconds before he walks inside and looks at u some before he walks to u "C..can I h..hug u?.."
Inamabilis
Sat 16 Nov 2013 09:13
*looks at him slight with empty tired eyes* Preferably not..
There's only one person I wish to hug me, and he will never do so ever again..
There's only one person I wish to hug me, and he will never do so ever again..
Anonymous
Mon 7 Oct 2013 09:59
Anna flinch from the heart broken scream she was hearing, she recognize Kaname's voice and follows it to his office door and looks up at it "...." She manages to open and push up the door, she peeks in
Inamabilis
Tue 15 Jul 2014 06:37
*hugs her back* I'm sorry for being sad Anna.. I'll be myself again in a while..
Inamabilis
Wed 16 Jul 2014 04:09
*hints a faint smile* Yes, but not when working. Not when you're the boss.. Need to get myself together*takes a deep breath to then exhail slow*
Yaoiboys
Mon 7 Oct 2013 04:46
R: He flinches from the heart breaking cry and stares at Kanames door, listening to the sounds inside, his expression growing more and more sad the longer he stays... As he hears the lyrics to the song he quickly opens the door and runs in, having to slam it shut since he didn't stop to close it before running up to Kaname... He dropps to his knees and hugs him tightly from behind, sobbing and leaning his forhead against his shoulder, only letting out a small whimper.
The pain of loosing people was something he knew far to well and knowing that someone else had to suffer like he had made his heart break...
The pain of loosing people was something he knew far to well and knowing that someone else had to suffer like he had made his heart break...
Inamabilis
Wed 9 Oct 2013 14:25
*He flinched a bit from the slam of his door, and he flinched yet again as he felt someone hug him from behind, not sure if he wanted to break free or wanted the comfort.
A part of him wanted to believe that the smaller person hugging him form behind was his beloved, coming back to him, but he knew it wasn't so from the touch, smell and sounds, so he forced the thought away quickly, taking in a quick shivery breath, but couldn't help but to lightly stroke one of the arms that held him from behind, and started to hum on the song instead since his voice was too broken to keep going. His body was shivering and he was still crying and sobbing, but he still tried to keep huming, as if to try to sooth and comfort both himself and the person crying behind him, but he didn't feel like showing his face, so he didn't turn around to look at who it was, he already had a weak idea from the sounds and the looks of the arms and hands*
A part of him wanted to believe that the smaller person hugging him form behind was his beloved, coming back to him, but he knew it wasn't so from the touch, smell and sounds, so he forced the thought away quickly, taking in a quick shivery breath, but couldn't help but to lightly stroke one of the arms that held him from behind, and started to hum on the song instead since his voice was too broken to keep going. His body was shivering and he was still crying and sobbing, but he still tried to keep huming, as if to try to sooth and comfort both himself and the person crying behind him, but he didn't feel like showing his face, so he didn't turn around to look at who it was, he already had a weak idea from the sounds and the looks of the arms and hands*
Yaoiboys
Wed 9 Oct 2013 15:18
Riku fealt a slight sting of guilt for making Kaname flinch but he stayed quiet letting Kaname hum, pretty sure he wouldn't want to talk even if Riku started to speak.
He nuzzled a bit closer stroking over Kanames shoulder with his cheek, not sure what else to do to comfort him.
He nuzzled a bit closer stroking over Kanames shoulder with his cheek, not sure what else to do to comfort him.
Inamabilis
Mon 14 Oct 2013 03:08
*He felt the person behind him nuzzling closer to him and stoke with his cheek overhis shoulder, so he lightly sqeezed the persons small hand tyring to make himself calm down a bit, now humming on Counting Crows - Colorblind, the melody helping him to calm down a bit, the sobbing subsiding a bit*
Forgotten Portrait
Mon 7 Oct 2013 02:09
*theres a soft knock, a wreck and his door opens* pardon the intrution but sound like you need a doctor.. *doc moves in and closes the door behind him* Excuse the lame joke, I can't control them.. I read the papers.. you mind me being here?.. I know I'm a new face and all but.. I feel like I can't just walk past..
Forgotten Portrait
Tue 1 Jul 2014 04:00
Hm.. psychopaths never actually learn.. you should know that.. it is a fault in the brain.. in the mirror neurons.. they've only recently found a possible reason.. they are far away from being able to fix it.. Sure.. I am not complete so I might have some as I can feel for my brother.. but.. who would wish to be with a man like me who might snap and strangle you with no hesitation anymore?.. I could not allow it.. *looks at him as his eyes had trailed of as he spoke* to be graphic: because something was just ripped out of you and now needs time to regrow and your body needs to morn the loss of that piece and then start to heal up again and fill that hollow up.. Hm or so I have read.. I will not doctor you and say I actually know myself
Inamabilis
Tue 15 Jul 2014 06:57
Hmm, yes I do now so. Guess I'm just fracing myself badly and not thinking properly before speaking since my mind feels like a swirling vortex.. Maybe I should so everyone a favour and go home..? Take a sickday for once..
Well feeling something for him is a start.. And I'm not sure I can answer that question, but with all people are into these days I'm sure you can find someone who will love you for you.
That person will know the risks but take the bad with the good, make you feel something, so harming that person would actually make you feel bad. Make you stop in time, even if not right away...
*tips his head some* So you'll keep everyone at a distance? Make it hard for people to get to know you and find a liking for you? Otherwise it might be hard to keep someone from taking a liking to you you know? Kindness makes many fall, and as a doctor it's hard not to be kind..
*Can't help but to chuckle a bit hollow hearing how Doc described it graphically* I guess you're right.. I'm really bad at those pieces though. Letting myself feel.. I have a bad habit to force on a smile and keep moving. Sweep things under the rug as it comes to me since I prioritice others over me.
Well feeling something for him is a start.. And I'm not sure I can answer that question, but with all people are into these days I'm sure you can find someone who will love you for you.
That person will know the risks but take the bad with the good, make you feel something, so harming that person would actually make you feel bad. Make you stop in time, even if not right away...
*tips his head some* So you'll keep everyone at a distance? Make it hard for people to get to know you and find a liking for you? Otherwise it might be hard to keep someone from taking a liking to you you know? Kindness makes many fall, and as a doctor it's hard not to be kind..
*Can't help but to chuckle a bit hollow hearing how Doc described it graphically* I guess you're right.. I'm really bad at those pieces though. Letting myself feel.. I have a bad habit to force on a smile and keep moving. Sweep things under the rug as it comes to me since I prioritice others over me.
Forgotten Portrait
Tue 15 Jul 2014 08:15
Most likely.. thats very natural.. Hm don't do it as a favor to us, it's one to yourself but that is if you're feeling like being by yourself is what would suit you best right now.
Yes.. alto feeling something for family is often as far as the less extreme psychopaths.. even if its mostly ownership which I can't say isn't mixed into my feelings about him.
Hah, you'd have to be mentally ill or simply self destructive and I refuse to date someone who could be my patient in terms of psychology.. I'm to dangerous for that.
I'm not really good at that, I'm to much of an open person.. People have fallen for me and I have broken hearts.. but when its normal people I didn't break them so hard cuz I never returned the feelings they got.. I tried a few times but nothing came out of it.. Might be why I was a slut in medical school.. *shrugs*
Don't most of us "good doctors" who took this profession have that natural instinct to drop ourselves for others.. even so far as that being why we chose this.. I know I am even if there isn't feelings to choke or much I'd even bother to sweep under anything and this grin on my mug is like tattooed at times
Yes.. alto feeling something for family is often as far as the less extreme psychopaths.. even if its mostly ownership which I can't say isn't mixed into my feelings about him.
Hah, you'd have to be mentally ill or simply self destructive and I refuse to date someone who could be my patient in terms of psychology.. I'm to dangerous for that.
I'm not really good at that, I'm to much of an open person.. People have fallen for me and I have broken hearts.. but when its normal people I didn't break them so hard cuz I never returned the feelings they got.. I tried a few times but nothing came out of it.. Might be why I was a slut in medical school.. *shrugs*
Don't most of us "good doctors" who took this profession have that natural instinct to drop ourselves for others.. even so far as that being why we chose this.. I know I am even if there isn't feelings to choke or much I'd even bother to sweep under anything and this grin on my mug is like tattooed at times
Inamabilis
Sat 25 Oct 2014 03:49
I guess so.. *sighs low* I don't really know what would suit me best right now, alone or nor.. I guess alone wouldn't be good since then my mind would wonder to much, so maybe I should just annouce that I'm off for the day then go down to the basement to Neiru.. Let him be the one to take care of me for once.. Sounds off huh? Seek comfort in and feel the most comfortable around someone so sick I mean..
Hmm, well I do recognize that. Both from my studies, and in my babybrothers ways of percieving me. Most would call it a brother-complex instead if owner-ship feelings though.
Hmm, I see.. Well I guess that's smart.
*chuckles low* So you were such a badboy huh?~*hints a joking tone even if he still seemed pretty drained from emotions* I guess I recognize that problem though.
I tend to be kind, and I do know it would be bad for me to be with anyone in here since it could make that person a target, so I tried not tying myself to anyone, but it ended up with people getting hurt, so I chose one of them wich was Nowaki. I was with him first, and he wanted to be with me no matter the risks, so I pledged myself to him, and this is what became of it..*sighs low, hand clenching a bit over his heart to then nodd agreeing* I guess we do, and yeah.. That how I feel about my smile.. Feels like I just can't get it off my face at times. Feel like the joker or something..
Hmm, well I do recognize that. Both from my studies, and in my babybrothers ways of percieving me. Most would call it a brother-complex instead if owner-ship feelings though.
Hmm, I see.. Well I guess that's smart.
*chuckles low* So you were such a badboy huh?~*hints a joking tone even if he still seemed pretty drained from emotions* I guess I recognize that problem though.
I tend to be kind, and I do know it would be bad for me to be with anyone in here since it could make that person a target, so I tried not tying myself to anyone, but it ended up with people getting hurt, so I chose one of them wich was Nowaki. I was with him first, and he wanted to be with me no matter the risks, so I pledged myself to him, and this is what became of it..*sighs low, hand clenching a bit over his heart to then nodd agreeing* I guess we do, and yeah.. That how I feel about my smile.. Feels like I just can't get it off my face at times. Feel like the joker or something..
TacroySilver
Mon 7 Oct 2013 02:03
B: *after hearing what had happened to Nowaki he knew that he only had one place to be. so he went to Kanames office and knocks on the door* Kaname?
TacroySilver
Thu 10 Oct 2013 02:04
*the pained sound that leaves Kaname breaks his heart and he knows that no words can make it easier now. so when Kaname slump together against him he just sits up straighter to support him. he leans his head against Kanames and strokes his back soothingly.* I'm so sorry Kaname. I wish there was more I could do for you...*he kiss his head softly and almost feels like crying himself as he know the pain of loosing someone dear. he rocks him gently in his arms hoping that he can be enough support*
Inamabilis
Sun 13 Oct 2013 23:38
*He felt Bens body move slight and support his as he slumped and he tried to sit up again, but his muscles didn't listen, not a single one, he was incapable to move. He heard beens familiar voice talk to him, but he couldn't really make out the words more then his name. He felt him kiss his head and wanted to frown, he was not a child someone needed to comfort, but still his muscles didn't move. He swollowed hard and tried to talk, but all that came out was sluddery nonsense, his body was exhausted from working too much the last few days, and that his body was grief-struck didn't help* Bhn.. me...hmll..houch..
TacroySilver
Mon 14 Oct 2013 19:16
*he swallows hard as Kaname seems to have no strength at all left and it does worry him - he's never seen him in such a state before and he realise the grief must be horrid. he rests his head against Kanames and almost smiles as he can feel the protest from the kiss on his head - it's one of those things he always does, and usually without thinking when he comforts someone dear to him. he change his hold of him some to support him better and hopefully make it more comfortable for Kaname as well.* Shh...you don't have to say anything Kaname...I know it hurts, it must hurt so much...*he caress his back soothingly and tries to think of the right words to say when he can't find any*
Inamabilis
Sat 16 Nov 2013 08:03
*He tries to make his body listen, but it still doesn't obey him, still too tired after the grief had struck and took the last of his strenght away.
He couldn't help but to tense his eyes in Ben in a light glare as he saw that he almost smiled from his objections, but then looked away, almost managing to look slightly pouty even if his face most of all looked tired and empty, his cheeks having tear-stripes on them now then his cheek had dried some.
He felt Ben move them around and groaned low from the movement, his body objecting to the muscles moving as they moved, even if the new way of sitting was more comfortable.
He looked up at Ben's face as he told him not to talk and got back the lightly pouty look, he wouldn't have tried to talk unless he had something to say, didn't Ben understand that?
He kept the look and tried again, now only two words instead of a sentence* B-Ben..Ch..*waited a few seconds with the other word to gather the strenght to say it properly to then try again* Couch..*he managed to get out and looked over towards his rather big and black leather couch. http://quakerrose.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Amazing-Chesterfield-Sofa-Black.jpg)
He couldn't help but to tense his eyes in Ben in a light glare as he saw that he almost smiled from his objections, but then looked away, almost managing to look slightly pouty even if his face most of all looked tired and empty, his cheeks having tear-stripes on them now then his cheek had dried some.
He felt Ben move them around and groaned low from the movement, his body objecting to the muscles moving as they moved, even if the new way of sitting was more comfortable.
He looked up at Ben's face as he told him not to talk and got back the lightly pouty look, he wouldn't have tried to talk unless he had something to say, didn't Ben understand that?
He kept the look and tried again, now only two words instead of a sentence* B-Ben..Ch..*waited a few seconds with the other word to gather the strenght to say it properly to then try again* Couch..*he managed to get out and looked over towards his rather big and black leather couch. http://quakerrose.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Amazing-Chesterfield-Sofa-Black.jpg)
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