January
Thursday 21 May 2009 photo 1/1
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Jag beklagar nordigheten. Men facebook-gruppen "You know you've lived in China too long when..." har en lista som stammer otackt bra. Listans basta (och ja, jag kanner igen mig i alla punkterna):
2. You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone
3. A June 2001 Great Wall Cabernet (mixed with Sprite) is your vintage of choice
5. You only drink beer from one litre bottles.
9. You enjoy karaoke.
11. The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism.
12. You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs.
15. You find yourself "getting back to nature" in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.
22. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
23. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
26. You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
30. You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
31. You ask people in what animal year they were born.
33. You think you speak Chinese fluently.
40. Your building's security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.
43. You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
45. You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket
check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
47. You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
55. You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
56. You use the word "Ayyiieeaaahh" every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
57. You believe you are really tall when you are only 5'8"
60. You like to watch CNN or BBC News World on TV.
61. You eat a kebab on the street and call it "Cat on a stick" and keep eating.
62. You believe that the cure for all ailments is to drink more water.
63. You have a washing machine in your apartment.
64. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.
70. You always leave your tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks and Maccas because you insist that is the way to keep everyone employed
72. You buy an XXXL T-shirt when you returned home.
73. You take large sum of cash whenever you go to the hospital
74. You are no longer flinching every few seconds in a Taxi ride.
77. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on a restaurant floor.
78. You start reaching for a piece of fish with your chop sticks and don't even notice the fish looking back at you.
79. Walking across the street, against the light, and in and out of traffic is a piece of cake.
82. You are now washing your socks in the sink.
91. When refusing someone something they expected or counted on you just say "Sorry" (buhaoyisi) with no explanation whatsoever.
92. When asked your reasons you just repeat "Sorry" (buhaoyisi).
99. You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut
101. When you go to the toilet you start bringing your own toilet paper
102. You can pick up any type of food using just your chopsticks... even peanuts.
107. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
110. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.
111. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.
113. You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.
116. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.
117. You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and counterfeit watch peddlers with equal disdain.
123. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
126. You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading.
132. You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you.
135. When shopping at Carrefour some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat.
150. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work.
153. When having conversations with your friends you start leaving unnecessary words or letters out of sentences and end up talking like an imbecile
157. You see people outside wearing shower caps in the rain, and instead of thinking what a freak, you actually understand the practicality behind it. The same with clipping pegs on your trousers when riding a bike
158. Your eating manners in restaurants are now totally shot. Elbows on tables and spitting food out onto your plate is now seen as being dead classy.
164. Before asking someone's age, you ask what animal they are.
165. You start picking at other people's dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.
167. You would rather wait on the street for an extra ten minutes for a 1.20, than pay the extra for a big cab.
170. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
174. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.
175. You think singing Karaoke on Friday nights is fun.
178. You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.
181. You prefer using chopsticks.
182. Chinese fashion starts looking hip.
191. You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
199. You ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
200. You speak putonghua better than the locals.
201. You buy the local newspaper because you forget that you can't read Chinese.
205. Pollution, what pollution?
211. You stop enjoying telling newcomers to China "all about China".
218. You have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills.
219. You think "white pills, blue pills, and pink powder" is an adequate answer to the question "What are you giving me, doctor?"
220. Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why.
222. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there's room for two more.
223. "Squid" sounds better than "steak".
226. Firecrackers don't wake you up.
240. Forks feel funny.
243. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
245. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China.
248. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, "Go away; leave me alone."
249. Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
256. Eating at "Western" restaurants, you wait until after dessert to drink your soup.
261. you start expecting the rice at the end of a meal
266. You think of "salad" as diced apples in mayonnaise.
267. You don't recognize a bowl of chicken soup unless there are feet and a head in it.
281. Your handshake is weakening by the day.
285. Drilling on the walls in the wee small hours in the morning is
considered acceptable behavior.
286. You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
287. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
294. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
295. You cannot say "Call me." without making a pretend phone with your fingers and sticking to your ear.
296. You eat at exactly the same time every day, whether you are hungry or not. Then eat again later when you ARE hungry.
299. You think your nose IS kind of big.
301. You haven't eaten anything baked in months.
303. Grown men and women often say hello to you, and when you reply they run away giggling.
304. You see nothing wrong with standing on a white stripe in the middle of a highway while cars whiz past you at 90kph.
305. You don't blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you with his family.
306. You eat soup with chopsticks.
307. You use Kleenex for table napkins.
308. You drink warm sodas and find them refreshing.
310. You buy a movie that hasn't been released theatrically yet at home.
311. You complain about the price of chocolate bars.
312. When a trim at the barber involves two washes, a scalp massage, a neck and shoulder massage, and a crowd of onlookers.
315. The smell of stinky Tofu doesn't faze you anymore.
316. You can't find face lotion or cleanser that does not bleach your skin white....
318. You can open and hull sunflower seeds with your tongue.
321. You have ten different responses to the question, "Do you like China?"
322. You're looking forward to blending in with the crowd.
324. You point out foreigners to your Chinese friends even though you're foreign yourself.
325. You know words in Chinese for which you don't know the translation in English.
330. You eat cake with chopsticks.
331. You constantly wonder if everything has been boiled long enough.
332. You answer 'So is mine.' when people say their English is so poor.
334. You convince yourself that it doesn't matter how dirty the cooks' hands are, cooking will fix it.
340. You hold hands with others of the same sex and think nothing of it.
342. You whole-heartedly agree with things that you don't agree with.
343. You've got a pre-paid ticket with a booked seat for a soft-seat train or plane, but you still run like mad to make sure you get a seat.
351. You tell people you don't understand, so they write it for you - in Chinese.
354. Groups of people find it fascinating to watch you buy an orange at a fruit market. Commentary is provided in case some people don't know exactly what's going on.
358. The more you listen to the news, the more uninformed you are.
359. You start thinking instant coffee tastes pretty good.
360. When the national news is on, your forty TV channels magically become the same channel.
361. Absolutely everything that can possibly be eaten is in some way good for your health.
365. You begin to question your own pronunciation.
366. You can use "face" as a weapon
367. You no longer expect the truth.
2. You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone
3. A June 2001 Great Wall Cabernet (mixed with Sprite) is your vintage of choice
5. You only drink beer from one litre bottles.
9. You enjoy karaoke.
11. The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism.
12. You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs.
15. You find yourself "getting back to nature" in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.
22. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
23. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
26. You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
30. You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
31. You ask people in what animal year they were born.
33. You think you speak Chinese fluently.
40. Your building's security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.
43. You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
45. You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket
check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
47. You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
55. You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
56. You use the word "Ayyiieeaaahh" every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
57. You believe you are really tall when you are only 5'8"
60. You like to watch CNN or BBC News World on TV.
61. You eat a kebab on the street and call it "Cat on a stick" and keep eating.
62. You believe that the cure for all ailments is to drink more water.
63. You have a washing machine in your apartment.
64. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.
70. You always leave your tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks and Maccas because you insist that is the way to keep everyone employed
72. You buy an XXXL T-shirt when you returned home.
73. You take large sum of cash whenever you go to the hospital
74. You are no longer flinching every few seconds in a Taxi ride.
77. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on a restaurant floor.
78. You start reaching for a piece of fish with your chop sticks and don't even notice the fish looking back at you.
79. Walking across the street, against the light, and in and out of traffic is a piece of cake.
82. You are now washing your socks in the sink.
91. When refusing someone something they expected or counted on you just say "Sorry" (buhaoyisi) with no explanation whatsoever.
92. When asked your reasons you just repeat "Sorry" (buhaoyisi).
99. You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut
101. When you go to the toilet you start bringing your own toilet paper
102. You can pick up any type of food using just your chopsticks... even peanuts.
107. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
110. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.
111. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.
113. You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.
116. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.
117. You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and counterfeit watch peddlers with equal disdain.
123. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
126. You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading.
132. You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you.
135. When shopping at Carrefour some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat.
150. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work.
153. When having conversations with your friends you start leaving unnecessary words or letters out of sentences and end up talking like an imbecile
157. You see people outside wearing shower caps in the rain, and instead of thinking what a freak, you actually understand the practicality behind it. The same with clipping pegs on your trousers when riding a bike
158. Your eating manners in restaurants are now totally shot. Elbows on tables and spitting food out onto your plate is now seen as being dead classy.
164. Before asking someone's age, you ask what animal they are.
165. You start picking at other people's dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.
167. You would rather wait on the street for an extra ten minutes for a 1.20, than pay the extra for a big cab.
170. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
174. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.
175. You think singing Karaoke on Friday nights is fun.
178. You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.
181. You prefer using chopsticks.
182. Chinese fashion starts looking hip.
191. You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
199. You ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
200. You speak putonghua better than the locals.
201. You buy the local newspaper because you forget that you can't read Chinese.
205. Pollution, what pollution?
211. You stop enjoying telling newcomers to China "all about China".
218. You have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills.
219. You think "white pills, blue pills, and pink powder" is an adequate answer to the question "What are you giving me, doctor?"
220. Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why.
222. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there's room for two more.
223. "Squid" sounds better than "steak".
226. Firecrackers don't wake you up.
240. Forks feel funny.
243. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
245. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China.
248. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, "Go away; leave me alone."
249. Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
256. Eating at "Western" restaurants, you wait until after dessert to drink your soup.
261. you start expecting the rice at the end of a meal
266. You think of "salad" as diced apples in mayonnaise.
267. You don't recognize a bowl of chicken soup unless there are feet and a head in it.
281. Your handshake is weakening by the day.
285. Drilling on the walls in the wee small hours in the morning is
considered acceptable behavior.
286. You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
287. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
294. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
295. You cannot say "Call me." without making a pretend phone with your fingers and sticking to your ear.
296. You eat at exactly the same time every day, whether you are hungry or not. Then eat again later when you ARE hungry.
299. You think your nose IS kind of big.
301. You haven't eaten anything baked in months.
303. Grown men and women often say hello to you, and when you reply they run away giggling.
304. You see nothing wrong with standing on a white stripe in the middle of a highway while cars whiz past you at 90kph.
305. You don't blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you with his family.
306. You eat soup with chopsticks.
307. You use Kleenex for table napkins.
308. You drink warm sodas and find them refreshing.
310. You buy a movie that hasn't been released theatrically yet at home.
311. You complain about the price of chocolate bars.
312. When a trim at the barber involves two washes, a scalp massage, a neck and shoulder massage, and a crowd of onlookers.
315. The smell of stinky Tofu doesn't faze you anymore.
316. You can't find face lotion or cleanser that does not bleach your skin white....
318. You can open and hull sunflower seeds with your tongue.
321. You have ten different responses to the question, "Do you like China?"
322. You're looking forward to blending in with the crowd.
324. You point out foreigners to your Chinese friends even though you're foreign yourself.
325. You know words in Chinese for which you don't know the translation in English.
330. You eat cake with chopsticks.
331. You constantly wonder if everything has been boiled long enough.
332. You answer 'So is mine.' when people say their English is so poor.
334. You convince yourself that it doesn't matter how dirty the cooks' hands are, cooking will fix it.
340. You hold hands with others of the same sex and think nothing of it.
342. You whole-heartedly agree with things that you don't agree with.
343. You've got a pre-paid ticket with a booked seat for a soft-seat train or plane, but you still run like mad to make sure you get a seat.
351. You tell people you don't understand, so they write it for you - in Chinese.
354. Groups of people find it fascinating to watch you buy an orange at a fruit market. Commentary is provided in case some people don't know exactly what's going on.
358. The more you listen to the news, the more uninformed you are.
359. You start thinking instant coffee tastes pretty good.
360. When the national news is on, your forty TV channels magically become the same channel.
361. Absolutely everything that can possibly be eaten is in some way good for your health.
365. You begin to question your own pronunciation.
366. You can use "face" as a weapon
367. You no longer expect the truth.
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