There's this thing I can't say. I can't tell you. I can't feel. I don't want to.
Don't want to ruin this. Don't want to leave myself hanging here, alone.
Don't want to expect myself to move on and live life. Even though I know that I have to. Don't want to break myself into thousands of pieces just to build myself up, again. I've done it so many times, self destruction. I'm not hurting myself physically, but mentally. I'm fucking my mind up. Can't concentrate, can't think. Just standing here, wondering what's wrong with me. Just standing here and wondering why no one ever says those words to me. I just.

I just.... no.

Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?
Because it feels so good when I stop.
It does. It feels like heaven on earth, I think.

The problem is..
I've never stopped, and I'm not planning to stop. There's just a hole inside of me and I'm trying to fix it through this. This thing I don't even know what to call it. I just know one thing, it's insane and I can't stop. I need your help, why can't you help me.

I'm only asking you, why is it so hard to answer.
Okay, I get it.. I'm not good enough for you.

Annons

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November 2012