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Chuck Norris
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
In an average living room there are 1242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
A picture is worth a thousand words. Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
In an average living room there are 1242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
A picture is worth a thousand words. Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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