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Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre Online Free
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When a fracking environmental accident rips apart the earth's crust, the resulting hole lets out prehistoric sharks from underground. The sharks target a group of women and trap them in a cabin.
When a fracking environmental accident rips apart the earth's crust, the resulting hole lets out prehistoric sharks from underground. The sharks target a group of women and trap them in a cabin.
So, what is there to be said about this film? Jim Wynorski filmed in Florida, primarily because of the need for a cave, but also because his investors were Florida-based Cubans. He brought along actress Amy Holt, who has worked with Wynorski a few times, and included Traci Lords, who went mainstream thanks to Wynorski. Lords gives possibly her worst performance ever, and is cast in a role that really has nothing to do with the primary story.
I was not expecting much going into this film. I knew it was made-for-TV, and I've seen enough of Wynorski's work to know that his best years are long, long behind him. I had a little bit of hope because Tony Randel was attached as an editor and producer, and his name still carries weight. Randel brought along his daughter, Sofia Randel, who designed the main title sequence. That was canceled out by Traci Lords, who is grossly overrated and still somehow skirting by on her notoriety.
As cheesy as the CGI might be, allegedly it had even worse CGI the first time around and they had to call a second company in to redo it. Even the second company seemed to have a problem with continuity -- ground displaced by sharks in one moment is back in place the next. There were also legal complications, thanks to a meth-smoking production assistant. Never mind some of the plot nonsense, like the forced romantic moments and the so-called "first edition" of Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" (which adds nothing to the story).
The film has a few nods or homages, such as to "Journey to the Center of the Earth". Also, Wynorski has always loved "Attack of the Crab Monsters" and wanted to remake it. He has said a script was written, but Roger Corman "didn't want to do it -- he thinks too much of the original film to do a remake." Wynorski was able to sneak in a reference or two to "Crab Monsters" here.
The best anyone can hope for with these sorts of movies is that they are so bad they cross back over into good again, because we can laugh at how stupid they are. I'm afraid to say this one never crosses over. It tries, and the Asian jokes are funny... but it seems to expect to be carried by trashy women with big breasts. I suppose for some people that's all you need.
Wynorski's next film, "Cobragator", was also filmed in the same Florida town, though financially backed by different producers. So look forward to seeing some of the same sets when that hits your screen in the summer of 2016.
WOW, where to begin... Before I give my thoughts (because I'm not going to go scene by scene) on this movie, I want to say that I didn't expect a The Godfather or Pulp Fiction quality picture. I knew it'd be a campy and silly take on the shark/disaster animal movies that have inundated the B and C movie arena. However, this was just plain terrible.
Let's start with the writing. Wynorski and the other 2 credited writers are lazy and for all their years, still can't write a decent script. The Asian slurs were old and tired after the 3rd one, yet they kept them coming at every turn. The girl and geologist's assistant sharing that tender moment and kissing...where the hell did that come from? What was the point? What about the beef between the brunette who gets attacked by the shark and Michelle (The Asian)? Next scene, they are getting on like nothing happened. Totally ridiculous. And the hidden stash of guns being found because a can hits the wall? How hard did she hit that can to make it fly and bust the vent off of that wall? STUPID! And toy guns? Like plastic toy guns. Pathetic.
Next, the CGI and effects. Laughable, but that much was expected.
The absolute worst was the embarrassing acting! Dominique Swain. WHAT THE HELL? What a promising career. What happened? She was corny and contrived and her portrayal of a bad ass criminal was terrible. Cindy Lucas is an absolute joke. She was less believable than anyone else! Traci Lords, same thing. Corny ass lines and no idea how to make them the least bit convincing. The wardrobe changes and makeup were so out of element, it was insulting. Could they not have frumped them up, maybe made them actually look like convicts?
I am harsh here because it didn't have that self deprecating charm that Sharknado does. Even those films, which are pretty enjoyable, don't take themselves too seriously. This one tried to inject sensitivity and make it seem as if there is a lot on the line. Stuff like the Cindy Lucas/D. Swain relationship, Christine Nguyen's character had a son waiting at home, that kiss and monologue between the geologist's assistant and the blonde girl. She acts like they've known each other for years, yet they met and fell in love within 20 minutes? Then he gets eaten, purposely standing in the way of a shark, while shooting at it with no effect. The blonde girl cries as if she lost the love of her life! Why were we supposed to care about that character? It made zero sense and it actually made things even more ridiculous.
Skip this junk. If you want camp, watch Sharknado. These actresses are crap if they're not undressing and simulating sex every 9 minutes. Wynorski sucks and has gotten worse. I shudder to think of anything that's worse than this movie. Everyone involved should attempt to strike this from their resume because it's worse than terrible.
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