Wednesday 9 December 2009 photo 1/1
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baby? show me heaven, cuz i've already been in hell.
Where should I start? How the hell am I supose to describe you? You knock me down in the dirty ground in just a second. How can you even stand being you? Is it fun to watch your own child cry their eyes out? Is it fun to watch it suffer? Tell me, is it? Because you seem to enjoy it pretty damn much mister. They say blood is thicker then water? Well, I don't believe in that in this case, certenly not. What does bloodband stand for, really? It supose to be the strongest thing in the world. That's atleast what I've been told..
I don't care for a second about you, I would worn a smile on your funeral. And you rellay belive in the lie that you've been a good dad? I only have on thing to say to u, kiss my tight ass! You make me feel like I'm worth nothing every singel day. You make me feel like i'm in hell every singel day. It only takes a look from you, a sentence, an evil smile. I hate your eyes looking at me! I hate your words! I hate your smile! I hate you.. and to hate, is a very strong thing, I'm aware of that. Do you understand know? That inside me, there is no such a thing called love for you? As a father your duty is to be there for your child from their birth until you die. Mention a moment when you have been there for me?
We don't share any memories from my childhood, you never took your time to sit down and play with me, u never took your time to sit down and just talk to me, you never took your time to surprise me and take me some where, you never took your time to read me a bedtime story. You just laid there on the couch and watched television all day long. I even wouldn't dare to talk to you, I was to afraid of you to even pronounce a word. If i wanted to ask something, I directly ran to mum.
You never should have gotten any children, not a girlfriend and not friends. You shouldn't have any people involved in your life, because the only thing you do is to hurt the people near you. Because you are a sadist, even deep down in your heart. Do you understand how bad you maked mom feel? do you understand how close it was that she took the last step on that bridge and jumped? I didn't think so either. Maybe you should take a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week to think about it. It was all because of you, nobody else, just because of you! You have been fucking damn close to take an human life just being yourself. And you dont think i have been thinking about the thought either? I even have gone out to the garage and grabed some rope and started tied it up? Do you understand now, how damn close both me and mum been? just because of you! but i started thinking of mum, and I didn't want to leave her here in the world all alone. That's the only thing that stopped me, if it only had depended on you, then I wouldn't be in this world right now. Just to show you how you make people feel. And now, afterwards? Do you really think you deserve to be called daddy now? Fuck no. When have you been here for real? never.
I dont say a word to you more than necessary. And i even hate the few lonely words I'm forced to pronounce infront of you. You have so damn much power over me, it's sick. If you just walk in to my room and I'm there, and I'm happy, my happiness turnes in to fears immediately. You choke my happy moments with just your awareness. You laugh when i cry? You think i will love you then? You force me to places, and then just leave me there, don't knowing how to get home, and you just enjoys it! Why wont you buy some pop corn and cold beer while you're treeting me like a funny movie on the cinema.
You dont know what love stands for, that's a thing forsure. And know, when you have gotten yourself a girlfriend, then you wanna play a good dad and come up with cookies? You really think a cheap cookie will solve my anger and my hate for you? fuck no. My anger and my hate for you will follow me to the grave, it will die with me. I mean, come on! You really believe that cookies will make up for whole my childhood? Do you think it will make up for every time i have been sitting all alone crying in my room, missing to have a dad. Fucking asshole! I didn't ask for a dad of the year or something like that, only you would have been there for me. Showed that you even cared a little for me. But no, and i hate it! I really do.
When I see children or friends, who can laugh with their dads, have fun together, talk about anything and most of all the ones who actually love their dads and are being loved back. When i see those children, it's like..I don't know, it just hurts! So damn much. I want to have it like them too, that's my biggest wish! But at the same time i know that it will never come true, that's the sadest part.
You have never given me a pounch, or, nothing very seroius. But your words is worse than any pounch in the whole world! They come in trough my ears, then stays in my heart forever, and tears it apart more and more for every day passing. A bruise disappear by time, but the words never do, never! I would rather be hitten then you coming with your words, back stabbing me. And I dont know what I've done to deserve to have it like this, and I dont know how it turned into this either. The only thing i know is that it's to late o get out of this. I'm stuck in this track, and it will follow me where ever i go during life. It's like a prison, and i got lifetime.
I don't care for a second about you, I would worn a smile on your funeral. And you rellay belive in the lie that you've been a good dad? I only have on thing to say to u, kiss my tight ass! You make me feel like I'm worth nothing every singel day. You make me feel like i'm in hell every singel day. It only takes a look from you, a sentence, an evil smile. I hate your eyes looking at me! I hate your words! I hate your smile! I hate you.. and to hate, is a very strong thing, I'm aware of that. Do you understand know? That inside me, there is no such a thing called love for you? As a father your duty is to be there for your child from their birth until you die. Mention a moment when you have been there for me?
We don't share any memories from my childhood, you never took your time to sit down and play with me, u never took your time to sit down and just talk to me, you never took your time to surprise me and take me some where, you never took your time to read me a bedtime story. You just laid there on the couch and watched television all day long. I even wouldn't dare to talk to you, I was to afraid of you to even pronounce a word. If i wanted to ask something, I directly ran to mum.
You never should have gotten any children, not a girlfriend and not friends. You shouldn't have any people involved in your life, because the only thing you do is to hurt the people near you. Because you are a sadist, even deep down in your heart. Do you understand how bad you maked mom feel? do you understand how close it was that she took the last step on that bridge and jumped? I didn't think so either. Maybe you should take a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week to think about it. It was all because of you, nobody else, just because of you! You have been fucking damn close to take an human life just being yourself. And you dont think i have been thinking about the thought either? I even have gone out to the garage and grabed some rope and started tied it up? Do you understand now, how damn close both me and mum been? just because of you! but i started thinking of mum, and I didn't want to leave her here in the world all alone. That's the only thing that stopped me, if it only had depended on you, then I wouldn't be in this world right now. Just to show you how you make people feel. And now, afterwards? Do you really think you deserve to be called daddy now? Fuck no. When have you been here for real? never.
I dont say a word to you more than necessary. And i even hate the few lonely words I'm forced to pronounce infront of you. You have so damn much power over me, it's sick. If you just walk in to my room and I'm there, and I'm happy, my happiness turnes in to fears immediately. You choke my happy moments with just your awareness. You laugh when i cry? You think i will love you then? You force me to places, and then just leave me there, don't knowing how to get home, and you just enjoys it! Why wont you buy some pop corn and cold beer while you're treeting me like a funny movie on the cinema.
You dont know what love stands for, that's a thing forsure. And know, when you have gotten yourself a girlfriend, then you wanna play a good dad and come up with cookies? You really think a cheap cookie will solve my anger and my hate for you? fuck no. My anger and my hate for you will follow me to the grave, it will die with me. I mean, come on! You really believe that cookies will make up for whole my childhood? Do you think it will make up for every time i have been sitting all alone crying in my room, missing to have a dad. Fucking asshole! I didn't ask for a dad of the year or something like that, only you would have been there for me. Showed that you even cared a little for me. But no, and i hate it! I really do.
When I see children or friends, who can laugh with their dads, have fun together, talk about anything and most of all the ones who actually love their dads and are being loved back. When i see those children, it's like..I don't know, it just hurts! So damn much. I want to have it like them too, that's my biggest wish! But at the same time i know that it will never come true, that's the sadest part.
You have never given me a pounch, or, nothing very seroius. But your words is worse than any pounch in the whole world! They come in trough my ears, then stays in my heart forever, and tears it apart more and more for every day passing. A bruise disappear by time, but the words never do, never! I would rather be hitten then you coming with your words, back stabbing me. And I dont know what I've done to deserve to have it like this, and I dont know how it turned into this either. The only thing i know is that it's to late o get out of this. I'm stuck in this track, and it will follow me where ever i go during life. It's like a prison, and i got lifetime.
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&&&& fan jag saknar gotland, & utedasset :(
<br />
och jaaaaaaaaaaaaa, så jävla saknad. <br />
utedasset är bara pricken över i:et. <br />
är såååå underbart att byta tampong där ;*
<3
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