When I pack something up and put it in my food cupboard e.g. massive bag of crisps, bread or even biscuits, the stench of banana will overcome it! Even if there is NO BANANA IN THE CUPBOARD! Tis a quandry, why this should happen. Why is the banana so omnipotent? It is like passive smoking except passive-bananaism, I’m not eating a banana yet I am eating the banana taste!

Often, there are bananas in the food cupboard and I hear what you say, “don’t put the bananas in the cupboard then!” But that would be giving in to their terrorist demands and letting them win. The bananas will not be negotiated with. No other fruit manages to get inside other foods. I’m eating doritos right now and they taste like doritos but there is the aftertaste of… BANANA that explodes in my mouth like a bomb of distaste! Last week when I was eating digestive biscuits – the Rambo of biscuits, they tasted like banana! Another time I was eating a sandwich and the banana smell had gotten inside the bread! I toasted the bread and it stifled the banana’s powers which means I know one thing about the enemy – fire kills it!

I’ve never liked bananas (why are they always in my cupboard then, I know) vengeful ma used to force me to eat bananas to give me energy in sports competitions. I once vomitted a banana and it came up almost whole! See Bananas know more than they let on, they can reform in your stomach and then attack from the inside. A man just told me that the banana plant is becoming extinct. I cannot say I am displeased, my old yellow advisaries, we have fought many battles. I think the banana might out live me though but I have a dream. A dream in which my little child can walk hand in hand with another little child and neither will worry that they will fall ill of passive-bananaing. Banana be aware that the time for honouring yourself will soon be at an end.

Annons

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November 2009