Thursday 10 January 2008 photo 7/8
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http://saintgasoline.com/2007/04/17/dating-is-weird/ 'I spent much of my day endlessly clicking buttons arrayed against a board in an attempt to produce differing levels of brightness, darkness, and color on a screen today, so I suppose I can’t really criticize anyone going out on a hot date ending with tongue insertion. Still though, I must insist that dating is weird. Now, I want to get this much out of the way: I’m not saying this simply because I’m some lackluster nobody who has never made it with a woman. I’m a lackluster nobody who has made it with plenty of women, and some of them were even alive. Still, I think the whole process of dating is inherently strange. It is an odd cultural rite of passage for young men everywhere, like some sort of vestigial structure left over from the days of yore. Back in the day, you see, dating wasn’t even necessary. Your parents would just buy a girl for a few oxen, and you’d be set for life. It really made the whole process so much easier. You didn’t have to get to know the girl at all. You just had to make sure she was in the correct social class and that she had not previously shamed herself with another man. Then, of course, once that institution began to crumble, we entered an age of relationship anarchy, and we are still feeling its effects. We had to choose our own mates for once, and the method of selection that evolved was the date. Essentially, the date is composed of your basic generic activities. There are movies, dinners, cafes, sporting events, bars, concerts, and that’s pretty much it. These activities are supposed to generate conversation. If you watch a movie, for instance, you can then talk about the movie. Perhaps you remark that Angelina Jolie sure was hot. But your date thinks Angelina is a worthless whore, and subsequently considers you a worthless whore by proxy, thus ruining any chances you had. The best tactic on dates, then, is to not say anything at all, and to instead just discretely lift your shirt and display your ab muscles as you flex at various points during her incessant yammering about whatever it is that girls talk about. The date is mostly just a brilliant ruse, designed to entertain women who are bored rather than help them find potential mates. They really don’t care what you have to say, and only accompany you to dates in order to laugh at the ridiculous things you will say. And you will say ridiculous things. They always do. Like I said, it is best to just coyly flex your arms or abs at opportune moments, saying nothing and keeping your eyes transfixed on her in a lusty glare. Yes, the fact of the matter is that women just want men who look like Brad Pitt. They don’t need to take you on a date to know whether you look like this or not. The date part is just for their amusement. And I am not portraying women as shallow, man-hating turds just because I harbor some deep-seated grudge against the opposite sex. I am fine with the fact that women reject me because I more closely resemble Brad’s pits than Brad Pitt. I am not angered that they have mocked the size of my penis and called me names. No, this assessment is totally objective, and not tinged with personal bias against these no good bitches. I could so go on so many dates right now if I wanted to! I have women practically begging me for it, like salivating dogs! Stop giving me that look!'
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