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Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris kills the dead.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris bit the Apple logo

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live...
Chuck Norris can tell u what a lethal injection feels like

When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebooke, you die.

Chuck Norris once kicked the Earth, it hasn't stopped spinning.

Chuck Norris was once struck by lightning...Thats why lightning never strikes the same place twice...because Chuck Norris is looking for it...

When the president pushes the big red button Chuck Norris's cell phone rings

Chuck Norris was denied auditioning for "Mission Impossible", for obvious reasons

Chuck Norris The Film in 3D was actually banned after the first showing when a 3D roundhouse kick accidently killed the entire audience

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