December
Sunday 25 April 2010 photo 1/1
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Yeah sorry for finding your bdb again
but I'm sick in a way and I still miss you
can't forget what I had and then lost
I really want to hate you for those 10 seconds I had meeting you the last time
I'm worh nothing to you or your friends as it seems
you think of me as weird
sick
a stalker
or whatever I am
how long will you hate me?
until you become normal!
that's what I got from seing you those 10 seconds
you knew me
hell!
everyone knows me
I'm an open book
I'm so obvious to everyone
I carry with me the scars I have made from my mistakes
not physical ones
but mental
you are a new scar I will never heal from my heart
because you and I will never become friends again
I hate the fact that you said this to me
that I will live on and never forget
I hate the fact that that I opened myself completely to you
gave you my heart
and my soul
all I have left now is an obsession of a memory of what has been
but hey
some scars heal over time
I've been given a chance to maybe heal or tear open another scar I made a few years ago
a girl I broke all connections with to make us work better again
but I never lied to you about what she meant to me
I just protected you
because I cared for you
I loved you
I still do
but
for the next girl that I give my heart to
I will hide away a few parts of me
the thoughts that makes me confused
fantasies of things that are impossible to happen
a sickness of my mind
that keeps me from being normal
why bother trying to write this at all?
I will never be "normal"
I hate myself
as much as
I love myself
a mind divided
love and hate
black and white
and
NO SHADES OF GREY
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