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Tim Minchin - Fat Children
Do not feed doughnuts to your obese children
You will regret it when they’re in their teens
Maccas might shut them up now that they’re seven
But they won’t forgive you when
They’re getting picked last for PE
Don’t you see?
Boombalata motherfucker
Have you noticed that yo kids are fat?
What are you going to do about that?
What are you going to do?
So you telling me that your family
Has a history of obesity
You got a wire loose in your pituitary
It’s just the way that God made me
It’s unlikely, statistically
To be a physical thing
But either way it don’t explain why you
Are in the cue at Burger King
You can blame it on biology
You can blame your physiology
You can point to genealogy
And your social anthropology
You can say you are an ectomorph
That you just can’t get the kilos orf
Well you can be what you wanna be
But stop feeding that boy KFC
He weighs 30 kilos and he’s only three
He looks like a clean-shaven Pavarotti
Switching to Diet Coke is not the way back
Boombalata motherfucker
Your kid’s a fat, have you noticed that?
Your 5 year old princess in her size 14 tutu
Only eats pizza like that because you do
And you, you should feel ashamed
For you have only got yourself to blame
Will be dead of a heart attack
Before your grandchildren are ten
Perhaps you’ll consider
A cut-back on extra fries then
Boombalata kiddie-stuffer
Have you noticed that your kids are fat?
What are you gonna do about that?
What are you gonna do?
So you’re telling me that your family
Has a history of obesity
You got the polycystic ovaries
Your mum had childhood diabetes
But – and in your case
There’s a fucking big butt
Do you think it’s an appropriate treat
The all-you-can-eat at Pizza Hut?
There’s no excuse you silly goose
For a child with a caboose
Like a moose who’s eaten too much mousse
It’s tantamount to child abuse
Kick them off the fucking couch
Unplug the Playstation
Send them down to the park
If they don’t wanna go, make ’em
Tell them they have to jog
Until their jogging shorts fit’em
If they hesitate, ask firmly
If they still resist, hit’em
Is this what you want for your girl and your guy?
These chips off the pork chop, for the toffee apples of your eye?
Kit Kats in value packs are not the way back
Boombalata Motherfucker
Your kids are fat, did ya notice that?
And you, you should feel ashamed
For you have only got yourself to blame
Your 6 year old miniature Jabba the Hut
Eating half melted Mars Bars from the folds of his gut
He’ll be looking for a kidney
Before your grandchildren are ten
Perhaps you’ll consider
A cut-back on Taco Bell then
Perhaps you’ll consider
A cut-back on Krispy Kreme doughnuts
And Popcorn in bucket-sized boxes
And microwave pizza or drive through McDonalds
For weeknightly dinners in front of the TV
And notes to the phys-ed instructor saying
Timmy has asthma but he really just gets short of breath
Cos he’s 35 kilos above the ideal weight
Of 35 kilos for a nine year old boy
You will regret it when they’re in their teens
Maccas might shut them up now that they’re seven
But they won’t forgive you when
They’re getting picked last for PE
Don’t you see?
Boombalata motherfucker
Have you noticed that yo kids are fat?
What are you going to do about that?
What are you going to do?
So you telling me that your family
Has a history of obesity
You got a wire loose in your pituitary
It’s just the way that God made me
It’s unlikely, statistically
To be a physical thing
But either way it don’t explain why you
Are in the cue at Burger King
You can blame it on biology
You can blame your physiology
You can point to genealogy
And your social anthropology
You can say you are an ectomorph
That you just can’t get the kilos orf
Well you can be what you wanna be
But stop feeding that boy KFC
He weighs 30 kilos and he’s only three
He looks like a clean-shaven Pavarotti
Switching to Diet Coke is not the way back
Boombalata motherfucker
Your kid’s a fat, have you noticed that?
Your 5 year old princess in her size 14 tutu
Only eats pizza like that because you do
And you, you should feel ashamed
For you have only got yourself to blame
Will be dead of a heart attack
Before your grandchildren are ten
Perhaps you’ll consider
A cut-back on extra fries then
Boombalata kiddie-stuffer
Have you noticed that your kids are fat?
What are you gonna do about that?
What are you gonna do?
So you’re telling me that your family
Has a history of obesity
You got the polycystic ovaries
Your mum had childhood diabetes
But – and in your case
There’s a fucking big butt
Do you think it’s an appropriate treat
The all-you-can-eat at Pizza Hut?
There’s no excuse you silly goose
For a child with a caboose
Like a moose who’s eaten too much mousse
It’s tantamount to child abuse
Kick them off the fucking couch
Unplug the Playstation
Send them down to the park
If they don’t wanna go, make ’em
Tell them they have to jog
Until their jogging shorts fit’em
If they hesitate, ask firmly
If they still resist, hit’em
Is this what you want for your girl and your guy?
These chips off the pork chop, for the toffee apples of your eye?
Kit Kats in value packs are not the way back
Boombalata Motherfucker
Your kids are fat, did ya notice that?
And you, you should feel ashamed
For you have only got yourself to blame
Your 6 year old miniature Jabba the Hut
Eating half melted Mars Bars from the folds of his gut
He’ll be looking for a kidney
Before your grandchildren are ten
Perhaps you’ll consider
A cut-back on Taco Bell then
Perhaps you’ll consider
A cut-back on Krispy Kreme doughnuts
And Popcorn in bucket-sized boxes
And microwave pizza or drive through McDonalds
For weeknightly dinners in front of the TV
And notes to the phys-ed instructor saying
Timmy has asthma but he really just gets short of breath
Cos he’s 35 kilos above the ideal weight
Of 35 kilos for a nine year old boy
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