Family, the way I see is a group of people who can manage to live together through tough times, doesn't matter if you are bound by blood or friendship as long as you don't give up on each other that makes you family.
I love my mom and I'll do anything for her because by blood she and my sister are the only ones I consider family anymore, I gave up on my dad long time ago because he never understood really the faults he committed and even if he has, he hasn't tried to ask for forgiveness to us and probably never will as an unjustifiable pride has swallowed him whole and made him forget the vows he promise to keep.

As for my brother, I had hopes on him when I moved here to his place so that I could be closer to work, but yesterday he revealed more than he wanted and no matter how much he acts like he didn't mean any of it, it still hurt and I know he meant it there is no simply denying it. So I'm gonna find a house for my parents somehow and then endure one more fucking year in this house, study and work so that I can start doing what I want to do with my life.
I don't care how late I am in doing so, it has taking me this long to realise this, how weak of person I have been and how I've let this thought of being selfless drowned me, still it's a part of me being me but I'm going to find a way to get more control over myself and my thoughts, that is the journey I currently need to take.

There are so much hate and pitifulness and toxic inside of me, that has given me the thought of ending it but if I have any strength left in me, then that's what's keeping here still and after finally have found something, a chance to do what I love and be with those I love as well, then it's obvious to take it right? How far in life would I have gotten otherwise?

Dear future one year me.
I hope things have resolved and that you are where we promise to be, I don't know what has happened over the past year but let me know alright?
Because right now things are shitty, feels like everything is going to chaos but I have faith, I'm going to try and fix this shit so if I have succeeded let know.

Annons

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August 2017