Tuesday 18 September 2018 photo 4/7
Scripted reality game show in which eight modern "lads" live in a simulation of ancient Rome, and battle like gladiators to make it through to the Emperor's Games. All under the watchful eyes of Dominus and Doctore.
That's all I feel whenever I managed to catch an episode of this stupid show, it was little more than an insult to ancient Rome, their culture and everything that ancient Romans had to endure to just get through a single day.
Bromans is a show where 8 couples are transported back in time to live as Romans lived; the guys as gladiators and their girlfriends as dutiful handmaidens and servants to their fighting men. It's a great concept very poorly executed and labelled as reality TV. All 16 contestants don't appear to have a single brain cell among them and whether or not it's staged for the cameras, none of them seem to have any knowledge of Rome and all they know of Caesar is a salad. I'm sure that most, if not all of these contestants, wouldn't be able to even locate Rome on a map. After every challenge, characters playing a Dominus and a Doctore, meet with the Emperor to discuss which contestant is to be banished. Once they are banished they are stripped of their toga and they leave.
In the first episode we're introduced to the would be gladiators and they are advised that as gladiators, they are now considered slaves and they are to act as such, so they are stripped naked and marched into a small coliseum, there they are shackled and made to stand there while their women are brought in wearing gold bikinis to laugh at them before they are given their first test; to find bundles of clothing buried in the ground and clothe their men. Apparently viewers were horrified when one girl ends up with a few scratches from wrestling with another girl when a bag of clothes is found. I still can't work out what we're supposed to be shocked about, if getting scratched was the worst thing a Roman ever faced, it would never have become a world power.
Over the next few weeks we are then subjected to these low-foreheaded tattooed British idiots as they are put through challenge after challenge while the women get to laze around largely doing nothing except bitch and whinge whenever they have to do what Roman women used to do, like wash clothes and crush grapes and be subservient to men. Ironically if any of these women acted and spoke like these tramps do during Roman times, they'd think twice before ever opening their mouths again. The so called gladiators seem to excel in 2 things, making excuses on why they lost a challenge and hurling insults at one another.
However I can look past all the stupidity and faux gladiatorial matches, I can even look past all the half-witted attempts to showcase what actual Roman life was like, but what really got to me was that none of these idiots seemed to take anything seriously. If any of these "heroes" ever went up against actual real life gladiators, none of them would last 60 seconds. The Doctore would never have tolerated the griping and bitchiness and the constant dismal failure of people he was trying in vain to train. For these contestants it was just one long joke, even during the challenges. You would think that pulling a bunch of rejects off the streets of London and throwing them back into life 2000 years ago would be an opportunity to actually give them an insight into life at that time, but when the whole process is nothing more than an excuse to just not go to work for a few weeks and act like it's one huge bro-fest at the local pub, the supposed entertainment starts to wear a little thin and you long for them to bring on the lions, the charioteers, or anything else that would give these sods a quick and painful death. It's not surprising that the series was cancelled after only one season, with testosterone constantly running rampant and foul mouthed "ladies" clawing at each other and the equally brain-dead public largely having a more romantic view of Rome, it was a forgone conclusion that this series would be dead quicker than a Christian in the time of Nero. Lets hope this show never gets a revival.
Absolutely loved every episode. Fantastic fun. Awesome host.
I've never felt compelled to review a show before, but this was simply the best.
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